Have you ever been getting to know someone romantically and then boom, that person has suddenly disappeared? Have you ever been in a friendship that suddenly ended unbeknownst to you? Suddenly, you can’t find them on any social media platform?
You my friend have just been GHOSTED!
Ghosting– the practice of ending a personal relationships with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.
People ghost for many different reasons, but the most popular reasons are to avoid hard conversations or to keep one foot in the door. Rather than saying they need some time or they just aren’t ready, they will cut communication instead. When they are ready they will show up like a ghost from the grave and usually never acknowledge the really shitty thing they did or give some whack excuse as to why they ghosted in the first place.
However, ghosting has the opposite effect of what I think the point is. People ghost as a way to not have the awkward conversations of why they don’t want to continue the relationship anymore. What it actually does is drive the person to continue to reach out until they get the hint and move on. What could have been settled in one conversation has now taken weeks… sometimes even months. Most of the time you run into the person and still end up having to have that now awkward conversation.
The worst kind of ghosting- well being ghosted in general is pretty bad– is when they cut all communication with you, but talk about the situation to other people like it won’t get back to you. It’s one thing to have an issue with someone who you wont talk to about it, but it’s another to have an issue and tell everyone, but the person you have the issue with.- I mean who raised you?!?– This is where immaturity comes into play. If you won’t talk to the person who is the best to solve the issue, why talk about it at all?
I used to feel it was a very childish thing to ghost someone and to some extent it still is. If there is an issue you should be able to communicate that as an adult even if you don’t want to further the relationship. What ghosting does for the person who has seemingly disappeared is bring them peace, but for the one who got ghosted, it leaves them left in the dark questioning and going over everything that happened to see where they went wrong. It places the blame on the wrong person.
It wasn’t until I did the ghosting, did I understand it’s not you, it’s them; Let me explain.
I have been ghosted a few times by lovers, friends and family.-I believe mostly because people have this perception that I’m argumentative because I like to debate. It’s a difference. I can have a civil conversation if you’re willing to have a civil conversation.- I was the person left in the dark trying to figure out why. Not wanting to reach out, afraid that I may look creepy or desperate.- And I can be a very prideful person– Instead, I would drive myself crazy asking “What was wrong with me that would make someone want to treat me that way?” or “What did I do to deserve that?” Left to believe that if I could just figure out why I was being ignored, then I could fix it.-See that opposite effect thing I was talking about?”
There is an exception to ghosting. I believe it’s ok to ghost someone if you are being or were abused by the person. By all means, cut all ties. I ghosted someone for this very reason and I do not regret it at all. You do not owe anyone that is physically, mentally or emotionally abusing you a reason, a conversation, or even a text message as to why you are leaving. Just leave and don’t look back.
What I’ve learned from being ghosted and doing the ghosting, is that in most cases it is not about you, it’s about them. Most people ghost because they don’t want a serious relationship or they are dealing with something personal. Not because you’re shy, have fat rolls, or because you fell that one time and completely embarrassed yourself. – although these could certainly be reasons, childish, but nevertheless– Often times it’s much bigger than that. I believe ghosting is manipulative, egotistical and childish. Any time it happens to you consider yourself lucky you dodged a bullet. This person doesn’t have the skills it requires to be in your life and they saved you the trouble and drama of having to find that out the hard way. Don’t take it to heart, don’t dwell on it, or drive yourself crazy thinking about it. Remember it’s them, not you. However, don’t allow the ghost to return from the dead.- No boo, don’t allow that type of behavior, we are better than that!!– Dust it off and keep it moving.
Have you dealt with any ghosts or have you been the ghost? Lets talk about it!!
Dont be Bitter,