Compromise.

tumblr_mgoqj0UNbR1r92a16o1_500I’ve never understood how people could always be in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong I used to yearn to be in one, understandably so, who wants to be alone? How could you be in a relationship and never spent time with yourself? The older I get, the time I spend getting to know who I am, what I want , what I like and dislike and being comfortable and loving who I am; I wouldn’t trade for the world.

dfbI won’t compromise who I am for someone else. You cannot ask me to change who I am for you. to love someone is to accept all of them and give the same respect in return. They may not agree with or understand it, but they have to accept me as I am.

A certain maturity level is required. I never understood how you can feel a certain way about your significant others past. Past relationships, past situationships, past jumpoffs, and friendships, if those people are not a threat to your relationship and they were before you, why are you in your feelings about it? Especially if it’s a friendship. If that friend is not being disrespectful to the friendship how can you ask them to drop their friend like a bad habit? And shame to the person that does it. To me that speaks volumes about your insecurities and ya’ll got deeper issues that need to be worked out. Be confident in who your with.

carrie-sex-and-the-cityNow I understand I’m single – thank the lord- because it’s going to take a strong minded man to break this streak! You have to be pretty undeniable for me to lose focus on myself. Let’s be clear, a potential is not competing with other potentials, no no, you are competing with me! I’m focused man!!!!! You got to get me to do a double take at you, and trust me, that’s quite a task.
Now I may be a bit of a late bloomer, but it took me a while to be confident and secure in who I am. To be me; unapologetically. I think that is the MOST important thing to be walking into a relationship. Know you first boo boo, and then go get your man!

Potential is a Killer

blogger-image--617838411I am so quick to meet someone and see all the things that they can become. -I’m sure I’m not alone here- I can see this tiny light burning inside of them just waiting to get some air and really burn. I can see this fire spreading and conquering all that stands in its way. Then I am forced to see that light get dimmer and dimmer. It usually happens tragically-for me anyway-. I always try to see the best in people. And when they fail to live up to my expectation or don’t even try to be more than what they are, it diminishes my light.

With each person you surround yourself with, you tend to see a little of yourself in them. When I look at my close friends, I can see a little of myself in them. I can see all that I can be in them. Let’s be honest, you’re only as strong as your team. That’s why it’s very important to surround yourself with the right people. Your friends say a lot about the person you are and want to be.

UnknownA couple years ago, I couldn’t understand why I was losing certain friendships. I think a small part of me was changing. I would me. Something must be wrong with me if I’m losing all these friends. And something was wrong with me. Where I was headed they couldn’t come. They were holding me back from reaching what was planned for me. When I looked at them I didn’t see me anymore. They were dimming my light. No shade, it just wasn’t me anymore.

Even in relationships, I think it’s very important to see yourself in your partner, and vice versa. You guys should see that potential and each other and push each other, in a healthy way, to go harder! You guys should motivate each other to reach that potential because pushing them
essentially pushes you.

The same goes for friendships. If your team isn’t pushing you to go as hard, if not harder , than they can go, why are ya’ll friends??- I see you questioning friendships right now. And you SHOULD- coming into this new year-we are in March now why you still holding on??- if your still holding on to dead friendships or relationships that aren’t filling you up and pushing you to reach higher, then baby it’s time to reevaluate. Steve Harvey said he looks at his success as if he is pulling a wagon. -its a really good video check that out here -And in this wagon are all the things he has to take care of. And if everybody in that wagon is not helping him pull that wagon up that hill in some way, then somebody in that wagon has got to go!

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So I ask you, is your wagon heavy or is it moving along swiftly??

P.s check out the last video here-Distraction

Who Do You Love?

Valentines-Day-Chuck  As a single person with friends, married and in relationships, it looks as though it’s a long road. You begin to get questions such as when are you getting a man? You’re too pretty to be single? You must be lonely? And you even begin to question yourself, what’s wrong with me? I wish I had somebody to go here, why can’t I find a decent man? I too put myself in this boat.

pk3h2GdElEexThen something strange happened. I began to take the focus off of finding a man and put the focus on me. I began to find out who I was, what I wanted, and what made me happy.

What I eventually learned was that I like being single! -say what?- you read that right! I like having my space. I enjoy my peace and quiet. I like time to myself. I like getting to discover who I am and what I like and don’t like.

Don’t get me wrong every now and again it’s nice to experience those things with another. But I’m so invested in myself and the life I’m creating for me that it’s going to take someone pretty amazing to distract, attract me. I’m young and God willing I’ll live a long life and be able to experience that with the one God blesses me with, but for now I’m having fun. I’m investing in myself. And I must say I’m loving every minute of it!blogger-image-1106284924

Watch the latest video here:
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I Know What He Likes

So I was interested to know what men are attracted to, what things stand out the most. For me, most of my blogs are lately I have been written from my point of view, with some input from my circle of friends. This time I wanted to get my males opinion. I asked them series of questions and gathered a good idea of what the typical established male is looking for.

What feature they found attractive to the opposite sex?
dsfghjkNow I’m not going to lie, I thought I would get the typical answers like she gotta have a fat ass, big titties, small waist etc., but oh I was reassured that there is hope for us grown females that are still searching for that grown man! The top answers I got were that men want someone who carries themselves well. Size really didn’t matter to them as long as you could carry yourself well with that size, clothes that fit be put together. My favorite answer was realness. In a world where everything is becoming so fake some men still value realness. I’m not talking the personality trait, but rather the hair and nails. The other answers I got were approachable down to earth and nice teeth.

Next I asked if they prefer a specific race?
vghjkNow I did this for a couple reasons. I as a dark skinned African American woman seem to sometimes get over looked if I’m standing next to someone of light color. I have always had friends that are of the yellow bone complexion and although I didn’t find a couple of them more attractive than me – TIMEOUT- let’s not sit here and pretend that we don’t compare ourselves to the next chick even our friends. We don’t like our friend cause they’re extra fine it’s their personality, but you can bet your bottom dollar if you had to go up against her in looks you knew if you would fail or win in that category SOMEBODY gotta be the ugly friend,-TIME IN- but they always seemed to win even with jacked up teeth! So imagine my shock when I asked the question and got… NO SPECIFIC TYPE. Wait what?!?! Now maybe this has to do with the grown man putting away his childish ways, because lets be real to only date a certain type of skin color and not give other women a chance is very childish, because to love a person has nothing to do with their skin color- if only America could learn that-
imagesasdfgNow being the single woman that I am, I asked if there were any tips or advice they had on getting chose., for a relationship/wife. And by far the best answer I got I have to share verbatim “A woman shouldn’t wasn’t to be chose, she should was to be cherished. Being chose is like saying you are being selected off a shelf with others which in turns devalues woman’s worth.” Now I completely agree with this answer. We as women should demand to be cherished. However, for us single ones you often wonder is there something I’m doing wrong that I could do different to change my outcome? Another answer that I liked was “Men will treat you how you come off as you want to be treated”. In oher words, post a thirsty picture, you know the one half naked, showing that ass off, and a dog will surely pant in heat. The best way to be on your way to a relationship is to be yourself and to be open. It’s as simple as that.

imagesweNow ladies listen up, because this may help you change your ways! More than anything males hate an attention whore. That was my number one answer to turn offs. Don’t be that female in the club loud as hell for no reason; no one likes that female, she just good for entertainment. You heard it here first. Secondly, being closed- minded, gossipy, lack of confidence and argumentative. Let’s be honest, I can’t be around anybody with these traits, energy level is so negative it has to be hard to have to come home to someone like that.

Lastly I asked what were personality traits that were turn ons, and turn offs. I found that what it boils down to his someone who shares the same interest they have. I think this goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway, if you don’t share the same interest but forth some effort to. If that fails lord help you! Pick up the slack in other areas like having good convo, fashionable, goal oriented etc.

I learned a lot just from these simple questions, Did you?
I would like to give a HUGE thank you to the men that participated in this blog it absolutely means the world to me to have your support! To my ladies, if you get nothing else out of this blog, take this away; be you! He who is for you will accept you as you are even your weird little corks that you think no one finds interesting. Be open and always be independent, in the sense that you have some business about yourself, and remember the bible says he who FINDS a wife FINDS a good thing. Men are the hunters for a reason, don’t be desperate boo it’ll happen on Gods time. In the meantime, stay you and be beautiful!

You’re Turning Me Off…

First i had a very major minor set back, i lost my thumb drive with all my work on it, which caused a delay in my blogs, for that I’m sorry. However, I’m back and its back to your regularly schedule program!….

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Following the last post, naturally everything that is the opposite of what attracts me will turn me off. Like stated before, I can get passed some of those only IF what follows doesn’t completely turn me off. Now here’s where I can begin to get real picky. Yes, I tend to get quickly turnt off once I truly get to know a person, but that is what getting to know a person is for, to see if you truly get along? Well that’s a post soon to follow, here’s what can get you a quick dismissed without even making an attempt to get to know you..
pictures_of_the_day_6Weak game.
Now fellas, listen up cause I just may help you bag that chick you’ve been eyeing for far too long. Your game has to match the female! A confident female, who appears to have everything going for herslf, is not going to go for that middle school approach! You guys gotta drop the clichés and just be yourself with it. Drop the “game” approach and just come to her as you are. Confident girls can spot phoniness a mile away. Now notice I said confident female, you can get away with a weak game with an insecure female, sad but true.

Being stingy.imagesnb

Now I may just contradict myself here, however if you are in a club/lounge/bar setting send that girl a drink! Yes I know its cliché but females like the attention. Now I know most males hate doing this because they feel as if they have paid for this drink and the female may reject them, which may be true. If you have engaged this female in conversation a good way to keep her attention is to buy her a drink. Its also very refreshing to the female. I’ll give you guys a great example. Me and a friend of mine were out shopping and decided to grab a bite to eat. While the place was packed we decided to sit at the bar. Some nice looking gentlemen decided to sit beside us and being friendly we all began talking. About 10 mins. Into the convo, the two men brought both me and my friend a drink. This caught my attention for a couple of reasons. 1. Being that I was half in the convo because I could barely hear them it said to me “hey I see you too” 2.it completely caught me by surprised. We weren’t 2 females that were sitting there waiting for males’ attention (we not that type, NEVER BEEN) So it was nice to get a gesture that we were not expecting. Yes fellas that’s right, not all females expect for you to do something for them!

Lingering.
That one male you are trying your hardest to let down gently because you are really a nice person, but they don’t get the hint and then the bitch is about 2.5 seconds from coming out. If I tell you I have a man and you hit me with the “can’t we just be friends” Absolutely……NOT! If I have already told you no and your trying your hardest to play how many different ways can she say no before she says yes, the answer is im not! Nobody likes that game and certainly not finna play it. Take the hint and kindly find a female willing to give you that yes. Its as simple as that.8570995795ae2d04a35b3af2c8a14879

That’s all I got for this one until next time don’t stay thirsty stay yourself!

What Attracts You

What attracts you to the opposite-or same if you’re into that kind of thing-sex? For me it’s a couple of things that catch my eye when I first meet a guy. Just the same they’re a couple things that can quickly turn me off. I’m very selective and I’m slightly picky but my standards are what some may consider high. –Mostly to those that can’t meet them- now I won’t completely dismiss you if you don’t meet all of my standards but you have to be seriously pulling weight in other areas for me to forgive the areas you don’t meet. Without words spoken, what initially attracts you?

Let’s set the scene.
You’re at a laid back type of lounge, sipping your drink with your girls or the fellas and you look up at the table across from yours filled with a group of guys/girls, what is the first thing you notice about the “attractive” one?
For me, I imagessanotice the smile and the eyes. I have always been a sucker for a charming smile. Straight white teeth swoons among the list of things I look at that is the top of the list. If you’re a person that doesn’t smile a lot, I assume you don’t know how to let loose. I like a man that’s full of life. A man that likes to laugh and joke, but not take it too far – it can go from real funny to I will cut you real swift like! It’s all good till it isn’t right?- a smile can tell me that, if I look at you and you smile your polite, if your always smiling/laughing you enjoy having a good time, you probably have a good energy about you. Now when it comes to your eyes, I’m looking for eye contact when your talking to me. Plus your eyes can be a dead give away to wait your really looking for.. and at

Next, my eyes go directly to the shoes. Let’s be real, if you don’t own at least ONE pair of decent going out shoes, what are you doing with your life? This is an essential that can be used over and over, an investment! The shoes a person wears can tell a story about them, make sure it’s the right one. Now I’m not saying they have to be the hottest latest shoes on the block, but some nice quality can go a long way.

Next I travel to the build of a man. The way his clothes fit him, if he looks fit or how muscular he is. Now I can be a bit of a hypocrite in thistrey-songz-shirtless-in-cancun area. I’ve always heard a man is a reflection of yourself. Now I’m not the fittest woman. There are some areas I need to work on – I’ll be honest- I’m not a gym junkie but I don’t completely neglect it either. However, I like my man to look fit. A person that looks like they take care of themselves, is probably more upbeat, has their stuff together, and is more ambitious or focused. I go for more of an athletic build. Trey Songz, Michael B. Jordon – both have already been established as bae in previous post- a basketball players build. Defines, toned arms, six pack-honestly I think that goes without saying- a defined back, toned shoulder and the pecks to match are all lovely features. I think working out says a lot about a person mentally and is good for overall health. There’s really no excuse not to workout 30 mins. out your day and it can be completely free. I also want to know if the zombie eclipse should come I have a standing chance with you –lol-

Finally, I look at the way you carry yourself. Now this above all else has to be in place. Are you nails clean, are your lips chapped, are you well dressed, do you smell good, is your hair cut?, are you ashy?-lol- seriously though small things I noticed wayyy faster than the big things, odd I know. I personally don’t know any woman/man that would want/be attracted to a man/woman that were lacking in this area. Especially, if you knowingly go out looking a mess. To me that says either you really didn’t want to go out or you are seriously lacking some home training, and I don’t want to even think about what your place looks like eeeeekk. Even if you are struggling financially these are simple inexpensive, things you could do on your own to improve your chances.

david-beckham--zNow for me, these are just the things I quickly check out, while looking through a crowd or see gentlemen sitting at a table. It gets way deeper once a man opens his mouth and I’ll get into that on the next blog. Until then, I’d like to know what attracts you?

Love and your Best Friend

Doefriendzones anyone remember the mtv show about the friend that was in love with their best friend and mtv helped them confess their love? I think that’s 99% of us out here. I think it’s a natural thing to be in love with your best friend. It’s someone you confide in, they practically know everything about you and you spend a great amount of time with them. Sounds a whole lot like what a relationship should be doesn’t it? Now lets be clear I’m talking about friends of different sexes, but hey if you float the other way I guess that can apply here too.

Are you actually in love with your best friend or do you love them because they are the closest thing you got to a relationship? That’s a heavy question. It’s a question that can often get blurred. I believe to be in love with someone is forever. You are giving them a piece of yourself that you are saying its ok if you don’t give this back. T
o love someone is the most unselfish thing you can do. You are loving them and not looking for something in return. At least that’s how I interpret love.

I can’t make a decision to save my life. And when I know my decision, I struggle with “Is

this the choice I shotumblr_mv0cwly6E81qk08n1o3_500uld be making?”. I try to find every way possible to rebute the decision, the hard ones anyway. So when the question came about loving my best friend, I fought and shunned and made every excuse in the book. Because saying it out loud made it real, right? Then comes the good old cross road, do I want to potentially mess up this friendship if a relationship with them doesn’t workout. There’s only one real answer to that; you wont know until you try. WHHHHATTTTTT??? You mean I actually have
to test this thing out before I can know for sure?? Unfortunately. When posed with this question my indecisiveness kicked in overdrive. You can imagine the many different scenarios one can come up with in their head.

Now lets be clear, there are certain things that have to transpire in order for you to develop these feelings. the Tug-a-war was real! And more than a friendship did begin to develop at one point in time. Of Course I’m not going to go into details, cause thats none of the worlds business. However, the ball was placed in both parties court.

I decided to be quiet and push my feelings aside. I’m the type of person who believes if it’s meant to be it will find its way of working out naturally.

imagesm Although it hurt very very very much to see him move on with someone else and watch our friendship drift into oblivion (you know once people get into serious relationships they tend to forget about the single people and their friends in the world, all that exist is their little bubble with their kids and their careers and other married couples, because single people certainl
y cant possibly know about that life, or help you out, or hang around with you because we just don’t get it… I’m not mad though achem) I had to be at peace with the decision I made. And it took a while. Especially when
they’re with someone you don’t necessarily approve of, but it’s not your life to have an opinion over. And to see the person happy above everything else should be your number one goal.

 

he_loves_me__he_loves_me_not__by_bigcitydreams__x3Now I know many of you ware wondering, how in he heck did that work out? Simply put it wasn’t meant to be. Theres one thing that i have learned in life and its that there are forces we simply can not control. I read the book The Alchemist, and that man got side tracked so many times but when it came down to what he rely wanted at heart nothing stood in his way. *Spoiler Alert. My favorite part of the book was when he met a girl whom he fell in love with very much. he was willing to give up his journey to stay with her, But she being a woman of the desert knew he would always question and regret not following through with his journey and so she says to him you must go if you love me you will come back, and i will be here, but if he did not return then it was not love. this also mirrors the saying ” If you love someone you’ve got to let them go, and they come back it means so much more, but if they never come at least you will know that it was something you had to hold on to grow.”

And so I’ve grown. and i have faith that the right person will reveal themselves at the right time. because God’s plan never fails, and nothing anybody can do to stop it.
photo thehills_lauren

Dating and the Single Black Female

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I know it may have come as a shock to many of you guys that I’ve been single my whole life. Yes I have been in love twice, but that’s a post soon to come. Watching movies, I never knew how truly hard dating was. The movies make it seem like the men just come, but I guess that’s the point of the movie right? In the real world dating is sooooo difficult! Not only is it difficult to do, but now I have to fight with a generation where women have lessened their value and men feel like you’re supposed to be doing wife duties before they even make you a girlfriend! Being the old soul that I am, and being raised -actually raised where my parent and grandparents actually put in work and attention to make sure I turned out decent, with moral and values and knowing my worth- is probably the single most reason why I am single.

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I know what I want in life and I know what i deserve and that is a dangerous combo for a man. My grandfather, brother, and stepfather have instilled in me the way a man should treat a lady. I like to think of myself from the old school. I’ve never been of my generation. I love listening to older music and older movies. When men weren’t afraid to express their feelings and a house party actually meant a party with dancing and not standing around too cool to mingle with the ladies. I’m not sure when it all became “it aint nothing to cut that B*** off “and “f*** n** get money”. Don’t get me wrong though I still turn up to it. But is that really what we want to do for the rest of our lives??

Now I’m not saying the men don’t come, though far and few in-between, I’m just not willing to waste my time on something I don’t believe is going to hold something of substance. I would rather be single than waste time on someone I know is only after one thing. And sure after they get what they want they may stay around, but what are you building on? Why are men so interested in getting the cookie first, and then if the cookie is good they want to see how the person is. That’s a lil backwards to me. I mean if the girl gets pregnant or gives you a disease well how happy are you going to be about either of those situations??

Now I’m not going to sit here and bash the whole generation like my dating life is their problem, I have some faults too, but add that to a generation that’s not willing to commit and well you have a seriously doomed situation. To combat that situation, because let’s be honest no one wants to be single forever, I’ve began to date myself. I take myself out and do things by myself, how are you ever going to know who you are and what you like if you don’t actually spent time with yourself? You have to be able to love yourself before you can love someone else. Some naturally love themselves others have to work at it. You have to be patient and perfectly ok with being alone until someone comes along deserving of your time. People may say I’m lame or how sad is she sitting at the bar by herself, but at least I’m not begging for a man’s attention or whoring for attention because I can’t fathom being alone. Maybe if people stopped worrying what others thought we would be a much heathier generation.
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