How to Deal with Getting Ghosted

Have you ever been getting to know someone romantically and then boom, that person has suddenly disappeared? Have you ever been in a friendship that suddenly ended unbeknownst to you? Suddenly, you can’t find them on any social media platform?

You my friend have just been GHOSTED!

Ghosting– the practice of ending a personal relationships with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

People ghost for many different reasons, but the most popular reasons are to avoid hard conversations or to keep one foot in the door. Rather than saying they need some time or they just aren’t ready, they will cut communication instead. When they are ready they will show up like a ghost from the grave and usually never acknowledge the really shitty thing they did or give some whack excuse as to why they ghosted in the first place.

However, ghosting has the opposite effect of what I think the point is. People ghost as a way to not have the awkward conversations of why they don’t want to continue the relationship anymore. What it actually does is drive the person to continue to reach out until they get the hint and move on. What could have been settled in one conversation has now taken weeks… sometimes even months. Most of the time you run into the person and still end up having to have that now awkward conversation.

The worst kind of ghosting- well being ghosted in general is pretty bad– is when they cut all communication with you, but talk about the situation to other people like it won’t get back to you. It’s one thing to have an issue with someone who you wont talk to about it, but it’s another to have an issue and tell everyone, but the person you have the issue with.- I mean who raised you?!?– This is where immaturity comes into play. If you won’t talk to the person who is the best to solve the issue, why talk about it at all?

I used to feel it was a very childish thing to ghost someone and to some extent it still is. If there is an issue you should be able to communicate that as an adult even if you don’t want to further the relationship. What ghosting does for the person who has seemingly disappeared is bring them peace, but for the one who got ghosted, it leaves them left in the dark questioning and going over everything that happened to see where they went wrong. It places the blame on the wrong person.

It wasn’t until I did the ghosting, did I understand it’s not you, it’s them; Let me explain.

I have been ghosted a few times by lovers, friends and family.-I believe mostly because people have this perception that I’m argumentative because I like to debate. It’s a difference. I can have a civil conversation if you’re willing to have a civil conversation.- I was the person left in the dark trying to figure out why. Not wanting to reach out, afraid that I may look creepy or desperate.- And I can be a very prideful person– Instead, I would drive myself crazy asking “What was wrong with me that would make someone want to treat me that way?” or “What did I do to deserve that?” Left to believe that if I could just figure out why I was being ignored, then I could fix it.-See that opposite effect thing I was talking about?”

There is an exception to ghosting. I believe it’s ok to ghost someone if you are being or were abused by the person. By all means, cut all ties. I ghosted someone for this very reason and I do not regret it at all. You do not owe anyone that is physically, mentally or emotionally abusing you a reason, a conversation, or even a text message as to why you are leaving. Just leave and don’t look back.

What I’ve learned from being ghosted and doing the ghosting, is that in most cases it is not about you, it’s about them. Most people ghost because they don’t want a serious relationship or they are dealing with something personal. Not because you’re shy, have fat rolls, or because you fell that one time and completely embarrassed yourself. – although these could certainly be reasons, childish, but nevertheless– Often times it’s much bigger than that.  I believe ghosting is manipulative, egotistical and childish. Any time it happens to you consider yourself lucky you dodged a bullet. This person doesn’t have the skills it requires to be in your life and they saved you the trouble and drama of having to find that out the hard way. Don’t take it to heart, don’t dwell on it, or drive yourself crazy thinking about it. Remember it’s them, not you. However, don’t allow the ghost to return from the dead.- No boo, don’t allow that type of behavior, we are better than that!!– Dust it off and keep it moving.

Have you dealt with any ghosts or have you been the ghost? Lets talk about it!!

As always,

Dont be Bitter,

Be Better!

Processing…
Success! You're on the list.

Let’s Recap, Toast to the Halfway Mark!

I had a lot of fun with the Month of Music. Thank you again to all the artist that allowed me to interview them, I enjoyed every minute! I hope some networking came from it, you got new fans, and maybe some new opportunities.

Now that the Month of Music is over, lets get back to our regularly schedule program. With it being June-OMG the year is halfway over AHHHHH!- I’ve been looking over my goals and I can’t believe I have everything pretty much checked off! How are you guys doing with that? -If you are lost, check this out.

Can you believe that was my very first goal of the year? Lets talk about something you guys may not know. I make a lot of things sound very easy on here, but life is not as breezy as it appears.

I have had a rough start to my year. One of the worst things -or so i thought- that happened was I got laid off from my full time job. For 30 seconds after I got laid off I panicked. All these thoughts about bills, money, and what to do next flooded my head. For the first time in a long time, I had absolutely no clue what I was going to do.

IMG_4071
Meet your VIP and Event Staff for concert scenes on “Nashville”

After about 30 seconds of freaking out and praying, calmness came over me and I knew everything was going to be a
lright. It’s was going to be rocky, but it was going to be okay.

I took the time off to dive into things that were always just a dream to me. I got a wonderful opportunity to be on a popular TV show, I started my YouTube channel, and I really started to take my blogging seriously. Now all of this sounds so exciting; and it was. However, there were times when I was uncertain, scared, and completely shut down from being overwhelmed.

These first 6 months of the year were full of up and downs. A lot of downs and a lot of dwelling in the moment. Gosh, I am the queen of dwelling. I don’t know how to move on from something that truly hurt me. I’m so used to doing it, that I don’t even realize I do it.

Something Keke Palmer said-if you don’t follow her on snapchat, you are doing yourself a huge disservice- really spoke to me, she said we as human beings can reply a moment over and over again in our head, and we allow the energy of that moment, when somebody or something hurt us, to spill into other good moments, and ruin what could have been a great moment. So allow yourself to feel that bad moment for seconds, or hours, but know that only you have the power to let it go.

DeathDwellingPastStayingI never allowed myself to feel those bad moments.I never realized that I, Me and only ME, had the power to move on from that moment. I would take those moments and add them to this brick wall I was building. And every time I had a good moment I would pick out that brick that hurt me and no matter how good that moment was, I would ruin it. Self sabotaging. I would turn what could have been a beautiful moment, or what I could have turned into a positive on only focus on the negative the moment presented. Waiting for a  series of good moments to change my moo
d.

“Rock bottom became the foundation on which I built my life”

I had a couple bad moments within the first half of the year. Every time I thought I hit rock bottom, I hit a lower floor. But after I heard those words, I allowed myself to feel that moment for however long I needed and instead of using that brick to build a wall, I used it to build my foundation. J.K Rowling said, “Rock bottom became the foundation on which I built my life”.  Rather than be hurt by those moments, I’m grateful. I learned. I grew. I’m stronger.

6358791146522069822127800330_learn from the pastSo Often we are told that its our perception of a situation that defines it. If you look at it as a negative, it will be negative. If you think of it as positive it will be a positive moment. And if you look at it as a blessing, it will be a blessing. i had a lot of unexpected “negatives”, but each “negative” prepared me for the next. Had I not gone through the one before, I wouldn’t have known how to handle the next. -Blessings-
As we move into the last half of the year, lets practice changing our mind set. -Positive Vibes Only, even the so called negative ones-

I’ve been keeping to my 3 major goals- I’ve have knocked 2 off, 1 being taking my blogging seriously, 2. is well…. announcement coming soon :)- but one of my minor goals-not even sure if you could call it that so lets go with practice- is to be present in the moment. Too often I am so focused on my phone shuffling between apps that I have wasted HOURS.

So, I will be removing myself from the social media world until July and I invite anyone reading this blog to join me! Blogs are already scheduled and will still go up every Monday- so if you’re not subscribed, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???- I will return in July with what I was able to change, accomplish and learn. I may pop up in-between with my special announcement, who knows…. keep your eyes out on IG- @lilsisveebspot.

 

Until Next Time Guys!

Like-Comment- Share

 don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE!

XOXO

 

Expect the best, but Prepare for the Worst.

images copy 2 Sometimes you can want something so bad, that you over think it, or over do it. I wanted this blog to be such a success that I lost sight of what I was doing it for. I began to put this strict schedule on my self that when I didn’t receive the praise I wanted I began to withdraw from it.

I begin to over analyze what I could do to change the situation. I go through different scenarios of what could happen. And I ultimately begin to get frustrated and either have a complete shut down stressed out moment or if my PMDD shows up I have panic attacks.

heroHave you ever seen the secret life of Walter Mitty? I wont give it away if you haven’t, but it’s a movie about a guy that daydreams, and ill leave it at that. Daydreaming is probably the worst thing someone who has high expectation set could do.

I always have high expectations set. No matter what I do. I build this moment up in my mind and my mind paints this wonderful picture full of all the different possibilities. Then, the event happens and it’s nothing how I planned it in my head -like I’m gone need the world to get on the script I’ve written here, it’s AMAZING – but it never works like that because, I didn’t write the script.

mWhat happens is I usually end up not enjoying the moment because it was nothing like I planned it to be in my head and my expectations are let down. And I’ve missed out on what could have been the best time of my life.

Relationships, Career choices, finances, all unreachable expectations.

Now your standards should be high for these, but you expectation should be to prepare for the worst. I, however, do the opposite, standards high, expectations high. i go in expecting this magical moment, not allowing myself to face reality.

Unknown copy 3How to lower these expectations is something I’m still figuring out. Because lets face it, your expectations can potentially ruin a very pure honest moment. I was able to lower them once by breathing through it – and possibly because I really had no idea what to expect – and it needed up being the best time I’ve ever had, and I met some pretty amazing people from it.

If you have any tips or tricks for lowering your expectations comment below and share them!

The Downside to Social Media

Now, as a blogger I realize these are just my views or take a different scenarios and situations. I mostly speak from my experiences on what I talk about. However, with certain social media outlets, I’ve noticed a trend that has become rampant : my way or the highway.
tumblr_n2wfrysPoE1rfduvxo1_500People will call you everything, but a child of God, for simply disagreeing with their view point. I was watching a clip of in interview with David Bowie and Mark Goodman where Bowie was questioning why there was no black music being played on MTV. Something Goodman said really resonated with me. “It’s not like it was in 67, when you could go ‘I’m not into that,but you are? Ok yea,but now it’s you’re into that? Well I don’t like you”. And that’s exactly how the world is today. There’s no agree to disagree. If you openly agree with something big or small you are crucified for it.

68536_oWhere did this logic come from? Are they no longer teaching argumentative in English class??? Do we not have debate teams anymore?? Why are we getting so sensitive about it? Disagreements can be healthy. It can give you a different view point. It fuels the imagination. It may often spark a solution. If everybody thought the same, as a civilization we would be nowhere. Maybe, if we stopped and slowed down and listened to understand rather than listened to reply we’d be a little less ignorant and a lot further along -ye shrug-
giving-away-too-much-knowledgeEspecially on social media. Did such an open platform to express one’s self become a weapon for the tongue (or keyboard)? Its really quite sad at how much people believe simply based on it being on the internet. And God forbid you try to correct someone who desperately wants to believe the false advertisement is true. don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing the internet, its very helpful if you take the time to decipher whats real and whats fake. However, you have to wonder with the information being so readily available did it makes us lazier as a society?

Don’t forget to subscribe-like-comment-and SHARE!

Check out the latest video!
Who Do You Love?

Disclaimer

image When I write my blogs I speak my truth. At the end of it all we just want to be in our truth and accepted. The problem with this concept is not every one will accept or understand your truth. I can only speak on my experiences and what I’ve learned from them and hope that someone reads them and sees a different perspective or knows that someone out there went through the same thing and they are not alone. I never write to be malicious or petty, if that’s what you take away from my blog, then the problem is the reader- sorry to be so blunt-.

When you read my blogs, I want you to open your mind. Not everything is black, not everything is white; it’s a contrast of shades in-between. I wan
t to strike a positive conversation. With social media being as popular as it is and people giving their negative opinions, I want a place where we can have a positive conversation. Spark inspiration, not negativity.

tumblr_miwal6Pjoy1qfpilno1_500I say this because before, I got my toes wet to see what the response would be. Some people took it wayyyy to serious. Others gave me positive feedback. I got a little discouraged just from the sensitive people’s feedback I got, but it goes back to I’m not doing this for you. This is for me. This is the space I come to, to sip my tea and live my truth. This is the space that I come to, to let it all out. This is the space I come to, to share my life experiences. And during all that, in the process I’m hoping you laugh, you cry, you sympathize, you learn, you get your life and sip your tea. Not everybody is going to do that, I understand. People who know the specific experience may feel like I’m talking to them or about them and take it personally –don’t flatter yourself boo boo simmer down, this is not about you!

Going forward it’s going to get a lot more personal. I’ve withheld talking about a lot simply because I wasn’t doing it for me. So I hope you guys are ready for this wonderful ride we are about to take in this New Year!

blogger-image-186315003P.s- I will now be uploading videos every Friday following the blog that goes live on Mondays be sure to check them out!

Here’s the link to the latest video
Tips and Tricks for Accomplishing Your Goals

Done forget to like-share-comment
And subscribe for the latest content!!

What’s Stopping You?

8-1-1One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone continually talks about something that they want to do, and never puts any actions into it. They could have the most amazing idea, but you’ll never know it because they don’t get the idea into actions. As my grandmother would say, “either shit or get off the pot”.

thomas-edison-quotes-on-failure-11A coworker told me a story about Thomas Edison and how when he was little his teacher sent him home with a note and told him not to open it to give it directly to his mother. Once his mother got the note she began to read it and cry. Edison asked his mother what the note said, and she told him that it said he was a genius and that they weren’t equipped to teach him. Years later after Edison had gone on to invent life-changing things, his mother passed. While going through her stuff, he found the note from his teacher and read it. The note actually read that he was retarded and that the school wasn’t equipped to teach him. This story, holds the saying true you are what you believe you are, or what you’re told you are. Thinking and perception is a huge influencer. If you think it long enough you will begin to believe it.

vYO8SocMoreover, one of my favorite inspirational speeches is by Jim Carrey. He spoke at a college graduation talking about following your dreams. –Jim Carrey & Morgan Freeman have unbelievable stories about success by the way, if you’re feeling like you’re never going to make it google them and read their bio extremely inspiring- In his speech, he talked about how his father wanted to be a comedian, but was to afraid he was going to fail and went with what he thought was a sure thing and became an accountant. His father later got fired as an accountant the family landed on hard times. Carrey said that this taught him you might as well do what you love because even you can fail at the sure thing. Until I heard that speech, I never looked at it like that, quite frankly I don’t think anybody does.
97ae11eae5153a76a2f4e2172997bd97The book I’m reading right now -and highly recommend- is Joel Osteen “You Can You Will”. In the book, he talks about how many people give up on their dreams because they lose sight of what it is they are reaching for. Osteen states that you must keep something in your eyesight that will remind you to focus and remind you of what you’re working toward. So, if you want a new house, keep a key on your ring chain or a picture of your dream house on your desk. Set something out to keep your eye on the prize.
More important than anything, you have to believe in yourself! I usually don’t believe people when they say they have no idea what they want to do in life. I believe that they are scared to do it! Now if your not totally sure right some stuff down that you enjoy and cross it off until you figure it out. Thinking about it can only take you so far, you have to put in some action and set it into motion!!

p.s. i have a super special announcement coming soon! I’m so excited to tell you guys, but you have to stay tuned, so don’t forget to subscribe-like-share and comment!

 

Are You Over It?

Responsibility
There’s nothing worse-ok wait there’s a few things worse it can always be worse BUT- a huge pet peeve of mine are people who do not take care of their responsibility! As an adult that is a core principle. That is what being an adult is all about, taking care of responsibility! Now, it’s one thing to be struggling, but when you just flat out IGNORE it that is when I take issue. I say this to give a little insight into the real topic for this blog: Are You Over It?

201507_1924_hfbie_sm
Have you ever gone through a situation that you knew couldn’t be resolved , or you knew you weren’t going to get closure, or it wasn’t going to work in your favor so you had to let it go and give it to God- or whomever you believe in? Or so you thought yo
u gave it to God, but then when you see the person or the situation presents itself again you find yourself mad all over again? Let’s hit you with an example: let’s say you loaned someone some money and they haven’t paid you back, but give you valid reasons why they can’t pay. So you tell yourseIf to just let it go if they pay they pay, if they don’t they don’t but then you see them out spending money and suddenly you get mad all over again Cues BBHMM- Rhianna

b2206d7cb0954b9d38862d46ba6f5170Or you had an argument with a friend and instead of trying to make it right you just refused to talk to them?
That fact that you get upset shows that you’re clearly not over the situation. So how do you get over a situation that is out of your control that you KNOW is never going to work in your favor no matter how hard you try, pray or will it to? I am a person who likes resolve. I need confirmation. Even if I know it’s done and over with it, I need to hear you say it. I need that closure. I find it very childish to leave a situation without closing it; it also reflects upon what type of person you are.

 

imageskijhI was once told forgiveness isn’t for them it’s for you. Think of a relationship that had no resolve from it, now think if that person died right now, would you be happy with how the situation ended? Or was there more you could have done, but let your pride get in the way? Pride is a killer. People don’t like to put their pride aside because they think it’s a sign of weakness. Strength comes from being weak. Being vulnerable, open, and exposed shows a great deal of strength. Knowing when you are wrong and being strong enough to admit it is not weakness, it’s right. Besides would you be ok if someone treated you that way?

If you can make something right, simply (Wo)man up and do what needs to be done. If it works out, it works out, if it doesn’t at least you know you tried. Nothing ever came from not putting forth any effort.