Have you ever felt like your life was stuck in a pattern or a cycle that you just can’t seem to figure out or get out of? Like maybe there’s a lesson you’re not learning so you can’t move on. I’ve been thinking about where I am in my life and though I feel like I’ve made strides I still feel like I’m standing still. I can see the vision of where I want my life to go, but somewhere between the vision and where I am, something is not connecting. For me personally, I always end up getting sick, burnt out, or something sets me back that takes a while to recover from –like the car breaking down THE absolute WORST!-
In the past, I’ve tried to break this cycle by overworking, first with my jobs. I thought if I worked overtime and got a second job that I would get myself to a level of financial stability that I could handle the setbacks next time, but this only lead to burn out and health issues from stress and exhaustion.
Then I thought if I focus on my passions, writing and acting, that everything would flow naturally because you’re told so often that when you do what you love or what you’re called to do things will just happen or fall into place-who came up with this lie??– Ok I won’t say lie, but they definitely don’t happen in your time –if you know what I mean– and they don’t happen without hard work and good lessons.
I read self-help books, I meditated to find my inner voice; my center, I prayed that my steps be ordered and began to wonder is this what I am supposed to be doing??? I seriously thought well maybe I am just supposed to work this 9-5 and die. I always talk about wanting to quit and find some way to push through and keep going because that’s life. Things will happen that will make you question if you are supposed to be on the path you’re on and it got to me this time. I actually gave up and I felt terrible!!! I didn’t feel like myself anymore I felt empty. I cried all the time. So, if this wasn’t something I should be doing then why do I feel so empty??
It came down to a couple of things for me-In no specific order
The funny part is you hear this all the time. The self-help books, testimonies, in interview from people we consider to be successful. We hear it all the time, yet we are so determined to find the secret they are hiding or a way around that that the message goes completely over our head. In her documentary Beyoncé stated that she prepared for 8 months for 2 shows at Coachella. –I can’t even plan my week out– I needed to make some serious changes if I wanted to see any positive results.
Imagine the disservice it would be to the world if you gave up on you dreams or passions.
I am the least disciplined person I know, I may even be the laziest person I know.-at least that’s the harmful talk I have with myself – I lacked discipline bad. I couldn’t even stick to a routine for a week. If I had a plan and it was something I didn’t really want to do I would swap it out for something that served no purpose to my life, like watching a movie I’ve seen a thousand times. I had to change my habits. I started with something simple, like making up my bed every morning.-because yes, I was that person who stopped making the bed the moment I moved out of my mothers’ unless I was leaving my house for a few days-Since transitioning into a work from home employee I barely made it to work on time. –of course I slept till the last minute possible are you kidding me??– I changed that by setting a morning routine every work day. That meant setting a set time to wake up every work day. –I did begin to question how I made it to work on time with an hour drive; it was hard enough waking up at a decent time to go to the next room lol- These small changes helped add more structure to my life and helped me allow for scheduling and planning.
I have recently been reading Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes on Audible. In the beginning, she talks about how she was perfectly comfortable with how her life had been going up until that point that brought her to the year of yes. I really thought about my life and how it compared and while I always thought I wasn’t comfortable with how my life was going, it turns out I was. I was perfectly comfortable with getting off work and hopping in the bed and chilling for 3 hours, mindlessly scrolling through social media and playing games until I fell asleep, and waking up the next morning and doing it all over again. I was in a routine of doing things that were, simply put, pure laziness. It wasn’t adding any value to my life. I was wasting precious hours that I could be putting into my work. Nothing was going to get accomplished from me lying around. While mindlessly scrolling through Facebook, I came across a person I went to high school with, while I’m sure they love their life, it wasn’t the life I pictured for myself, and the sad part is we weren’t that far apart in what we were doing in life work, home, and party when you can. I had to go back to an old strategy I preach all the time, 3 goals plan. I implemented 3 realistic goals and broke them down.
If I couldn’t prioritize to do some work over lying in the bed, how the hell did I ever expect to make it in anything I was trying to pursue?? Not only that, but my financial priorities completely screwed. I have an impulsive shopping addiction. Retail therapy is my jam!! Clothes were the #1 priority. How did I expect to get where I needed to go if I’m constantly buying clothes. –you know what they say though turn a habit into a hobby coming soon wink wink– I had to get serious about what mattered to me. My job was unnecessarily stressful and after working 8+ hours all I wanted to do was lie in bed and relax. What I found is that I would do things that added no value to my life, like switching through Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat for several hours or playing games on my phone vs reading a script or writing. So I prioritized. If I could focus on writing or read for 1 hour every night after work then my reward would be doing the things that added no value, because that was my guilty pleasure. I found that if I focused for the hour, I often went over and ended up going straight to bed after I was done.
One of the things I noticed early on was my lack of planning. As mentioned earlier in this post, I couldn’t even plan my week I usually just winged it. So I got myself a planner and I used my Iphone calendar to help me stay on schedule and remain flexible. I have always followed my 3 goal plan, but it was never structured for me to actually follow it. I never broke it down in steps for me to use. I could plan to write 3 times a week, but if the inspiration wasn’t there I just couldn’t get it done. Rather than forcing myself to be locked into something I felt I had to do, I needed to replace it with something that could spark inspiration. So rather than block off 2 hours for writing , I blocked it off for reading and if inspiration hit then I would write within those 2 hours and if it didn’t I would read for an hour or so depending on the book and the other time was free time or planning for the next day. It worked out perfectly, especially knowing I get to indulge in my guilty pleasures after.
So in a nutshell, I couldn’t quit, imagine the disservice it would be to the world if I gave up on my dreams or passions. No, no I have to keep going, if not for you all, for me. I let a lot of things stop me and a lot of obstacles hinder me rather than navigate around them. I also let excuses become justifiable reasons. There are roadblocks on every road of life, you can either let them stop you or navigate around them. As the saying goes, if you really want to pursue something, you’ll find a way; If not you’ll find an excuse. Maybe that’s the lesson I needed to learn. –Another saying a hard head will make a soft ass, aren’t you tired of falling on your ass because of your own way?-
What is stopping you? Let’s talk about it!
Don’t be bitter