I am an introvert at heart. I enjoy having fun and being social, but as much fun as that is, it’s also draining. I enjoy being alone. I enjoy being in my own world with my quirky little habits. I enjoy dancing around my house in my underwear singing at the top of my lungs eating ice cream straight out of the tub.
When this past year started, I had so many goals I wanted to accomplish. I’m usually the person that makes New Year’s Resolutions, but a month into the New Year; I completely blank on or forgot about those resolutions. –I have been trying to lose 30 pounds for 3 years -_-. Going into 2016 I really want to check some stuff off my list and I did, but once my list was getting checked off it only made me want to add more. This is where the balancing act came into play.
Life is like a game of juggle sometimes. You juggle your needs, wants, career, and sometimes the curve ball life throws at you. You can become so focused on the game that you begin to lose sight of life and being in the moment. You become so focused on the act of juggling, that it’s routine. The game isn’t fun anymore, and now your body has the instinct and naturally knows how to juggle. So much so, that you can juggle with your eyes closed. The fun is now replaced with stress. Your arms are getting heavy, but you are focused. You are not going to let any of the balls drop. Your eyes are weary. Your body is giving out, but you are so determined to complete your task you ignore the signs. Until one day, you drop a ball. And like a snowball effect, all the balls fall. Your body has reached its limit. And you’re out the game. Mentally drained and physically exhausted.
I had to take a step back. Mentally and physically I had no choice. I’m used to working 2 jobs 64+ hour work week, 7 days a week. I’m used to never pursuing things I want for myself. I changed that in 2016. I explored hobbies, I found my purpose, and I pursued my dreams, all while maintaining 2 jobs 64+ hour work week, 7 days a week. –talk about juggling! One morning I woke up, and physically could not move, work was not an option. I went to the doctor for her to tell me I was exhausted and I had a few vitamin deficiency and she gave me a mandatory 2 days off- which doesn’t seem like much, but it was very much needed to someone who only gets holidays off-
Thank God for friends. I took a trip to my friend’s lake house and got some much needed relaxation. While there in the middle of nowhere I found a little bit of restoration and rejuvenation.
We as individuals can be so hard on ourselves. Something inside me wanted to achieve so bad, which can sometimes be a good thing, but at what cost? I compare myself to my role models, people I aspire to become. If they can do it, what’s stopping me? I live by “You have the same 24 hours as Beyoncé. Get shit done.” Not a bad motto when you are Beyoncé and you have a team of people helping you to achieve your goals and dreams. I’m just one person. The actor, the cameraman, the editor, and the news reporter on my own story.
Going into this new year, let’s change up the way we do things –New Year, new me, who dis?- I had the concept right last year,3 goals, break those goals down into months, then weeks, then days. Work on them each little by little until the goal is complete.-I even made a video about it, see below or click ⇒ here – Sounds logical right? Until life happens and then what goals? Implementation is key right? Creating the goal and starting the goal is the easy part, actually following through and completing the goal that’s a completely different ball game- that I haven’t even made the team for, OK!-One of the things I find that hinders myself from completing the goal, is my mindset. If you think positive you stay positive, if you think this is going to fail, it will fail, if you think negative well you get what you think.- see where this is going?
I have to constantly check in with myself once those feelings arise. I self-doubt, A LOT. Any form of art, you’re leaving yourself vulnerable. You’re literally taking something that is very special to you, something that took, hours, days, months, and years to make and then you present it for the world to see and not everyone is going to like it- that you know- but you are just hoping it is received well. You hope that it was received in the light that you made it in. As a writer, everything I publish is my baby, so I’m very protective of it. I struggle with writing sometimes because I can get a bit too personal. I’m very proud of what I write, I know it helps sooo many of you. Knowing that should be enough for me to keep going right? WRONG! I began to doubt that what I have to say is not very important. But isn’t it? That’s where I have to check myself. Ok, I’m feeling self-doubt. But that’s my own fear not allowing me to be great and fear and faith can’t reside in the same place. I have to literally tell myself out loud I am more than this. I am better than this someone out there is depending on me. I check that emotion and I continue on my way. Dreading going to work? Check that emotion, if you think it will be a shitty day guess what? It will be a shitty day! Humble yourself. Do you know how many people would kill for that very job so they can have that income?! It’s all about retraining your thoughts. As soon as that thought comes in CHECK THAT SHIT!