Chapter 28: Be Open

CaptureIt’s my birthday! A year of growth behind me and a new year of learning experiences ahead of me! I’m so excited to go in this journey. I always thought 28 was my mystical magical number. When I was younger it was the number I said I would keep forever whenever I was asked my age-true story– I feel like at 28 you know yourself now more than ever in your 20s. –Let me explain– in my experience my 20s have been nothing but one learning lesson after the other. It has been a struggllllleeee girl! I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t know what I wanted to be or do, I felt like for the most part, my 20s was this big black hole of not knowing. Add to that making huge mistakes and having to learn to deal with them. My 20s was pretty much like just figure it out. I wouldn’t change any of it though because everything led to this beautiful point: self awareness.grow-up

What a beautiful thing it is to actually know one’s self, to be confident in who you are, to proudly say this is who I am, like it or leave it I really don’t care either way! I know what I want to accomplish-might not know how to get there but at least I have purpose, right? – I know what I will and won’t accept from life, I just know! Boom that’s it. For so long it felt like I was walking through a dark hallway, no direction just literally figuring it out as it came to me- it’s a horrible feeling, but maybe it’s necessary-

“Rock Bottom is the solid Foundation on which I Built my life.”

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Shit just got real

25 was a rock bottom year, I spoke about this in a past blog, but never really felt comfortable talking about everything I was going through.-however if you’re a loyal reader, then you know I was in a dark place-. I suffered the loss of a pregnancy, the loss of a friendship that I loved dearly, and the loss of financial freedom by having to file bankruptcy. 25 was hard,  a lot of pain and tears. Most days were a struggle to make it out of the bed, but thank God for family.

giphy (1)26 was a faking it till you make it year. 26 I literally picked myself up and started to figure it out. I made affirmations and goals. I planned for things I wanted to accomplish, I found my purpose. 26 seemed to go by very quickly. It was definitely a transition year.

27 was letting it all go and working on a foundation again. 27 taught me a lot of things. I call 27 my year of rebuilding. Now that I knew my purpose I began to work really hard at it and made strides. I also really began to understand myself. I feel like before 25 I had this idea of who I was, but I didn’t really know or to be clearer I had this idea of how I wanted the world to perceive me but I didn’t really know who I was. I feel like everything that happened after 25 got me to this point of knowing who I am, what hurts me, what angers me, what energy I wanted to entertain, and what kind of man I desire to have in my life.

Now that I’m moving closer to my 30s, I feel like I’m moving toward my best life. So often I hear people say that your 30s are the best time of your life and I’m inclined to believe them simply based of the feeling I have about moving into 28. I can see the light appearing in the tunnel getting brighter. It’s not full rainbows and sunshine but it’s not all darkness anymore either.

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I always give my birthday a theme. Be Open.

I watched a movie called ‘Love by the 10th date’. It was one of those lifetime movies where its cheesy and predictable, but it got me to look into my own life and I realized that I’m very open minded but I’m not a very open person. If something doesn’t appear how I think it should or doesn’t meet my expectations, initially, I shut it down. I’m especially bad at this when it comes to relationships, or just getting to know someone. I don’t know how to just have fun and enjoy the ride. I’m either all the way turned off or all the way ready to jump in-I hate being in the gray! Watching this movie I had an “ah ha” moment –hell typing this paragraph I had an “ah ha” moment- this is all a self defense mechanism. Rather than letting myself experience it, I try to figure out a way to protect myself before it can even go wrong by finding something wrong- and chile that’s just not living! – Or I get incredibly invested way too soon and scare the person away- in my defense though it’s incredibly rare if you can actually get me to like you!-

I’m not just applying this to my dating life, but in all aspects. I want to be open to all this beautiful universe has to offer me. Positive vibes only though!

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What are some things you find yourself closed off to? What o you feel you could be more open to? Let’s talk in the comments below!

Until time!

XOXO

 

What Attracts You

What attracts you to the opposite-or same if you’re into that kind of thing-sex? For me it’s a couple of things that catch my eye when I first meet a guy. Just the same they’re a couple things that can quickly turn me off. I’m very selective and I’m slightly picky but my standards are what some may consider high. –Mostly to those that can’t meet them- now I won’t completely dismiss you if you don’t meet all of my standards but you have to be seriously pulling weight in other areas for me to forgive the areas you don’t meet. Without words spoken, what initially attracts you?

Let’s set the scene.
You’re at a laid back type of lounge, sipping your drink with your girls or the fellas and you look up at the table across from yours filled with a group of guys/girls, what is the first thing you notice about the “attractive” one?
For me, I imagessanotice the smile and the eyes. I have always been a sucker for a charming smile. Straight white teeth swoons among the list of things I look at that is the top of the list. If you’re a person that doesn’t smile a lot, I assume you don’t know how to let loose. I like a man that’s full of life. A man that likes to laugh and joke, but not take it too far – it can go from real funny to I will cut you real swift like! It’s all good till it isn’t right?- a smile can tell me that, if I look at you and you smile your polite, if your always smiling/laughing you enjoy having a good time, you probably have a good energy about you. Now when it comes to your eyes, I’m looking for eye contact when your talking to me. Plus your eyes can be a dead give away to wait your really looking for.. and at

Next, my eyes go directly to the shoes. Let’s be real, if you don’t own at least ONE pair of decent going out shoes, what are you doing with your life? This is an essential that can be used over and over, an investment! The shoes a person wears can tell a story about them, make sure it’s the right one. Now I’m not saying they have to be the hottest latest shoes on the block, but some nice quality can go a long way.

Next I travel to the build of a man. The way his clothes fit him, if he looks fit or how muscular he is. Now I can be a bit of a hypocrite in thistrey-songz-shirtless-in-cancun area. I’ve always heard a man is a reflection of yourself. Now I’m not the fittest woman. There are some areas I need to work on – I’ll be honest- I’m not a gym junkie but I don’t completely neglect it either. However, I like my man to look fit. A person that looks like they take care of themselves, is probably more upbeat, has their stuff together, and is more ambitious or focused. I go for more of an athletic build. Trey Songz, Michael B. Jordon – both have already been established as bae in previous post- a basketball players build. Defines, toned arms, six pack-honestly I think that goes without saying- a defined back, toned shoulder and the pecks to match are all lovely features. I think working out says a lot about a person mentally and is good for overall health. There’s really no excuse not to workout 30 mins. out your day and it can be completely free. I also want to know if the zombie eclipse should come I have a standing chance with you –lol-

Finally, I look at the way you carry yourself. Now this above all else has to be in place. Are you nails clean, are your lips chapped, are you well dressed, do you smell good, is your hair cut?, are you ashy?-lol- seriously though small things I noticed wayyy faster than the big things, odd I know. I personally don’t know any woman/man that would want/be attracted to a man/woman that were lacking in this area. Especially, if you knowingly go out looking a mess. To me that says either you really didn’t want to go out or you are seriously lacking some home training, and I don’t want to even think about what your place looks like eeeeekk. Even if you are struggling financially these are simple inexpensive, things you could do on your own to improve your chances.

david-beckham--zNow for me, these are just the things I quickly check out, while looking through a crowd or see gentlemen sitting at a table. It gets way deeper once a man opens his mouth and I’ll get into that on the next blog. Until then, I’d like to know what attracts you?