Time for a Change

tenor

So lately in my community of people we’ve all had this theme in our lives where we feel lost, but we know where we are going. We arent exactly sure how to get there or if we should keep straight or turn left or right, but we know whatever we choose we’ll be ok. We’ll get to where we need to be.

I’ve been staying that course almost all year.  I’ve been purging. I feel almost like I’m shedding skin. I don’t know if it’s because ya girl is knocking on 30s door or what, but I’ve been in the spirit of “this shit has gotta go” and so it’s been going. However, lately I had been feeling cramped and cluttered even though I had purged everything I thought I possibly could. I just wasn’t happy. Now, as a Libra it’s in our nature to be indecisive, but I literally couldn’t make a damn decision. I was supposed to be finalizing birthday plans that I just couldn’t decide on. I’ve been going back and forth on things that should’ve be a piece of cake to decide on.  I didn’t realize anything was wrong until I was on my way to do something I had absolutely no business doing. As I was driving I just thought “why do I keep allowing this? Why am I acting like a passenger when I’m clearly in the driver’s seat???” -Now I will say what I was on my way to do influence this sudden revelation.- It was my “ah ha” moment. It was the push of anger I needed.

meditate-01-giphy_0I swiftly turned around and went home. While sitting in my driveway –where I do some of my best thinking– I decided to delete social media. Usually when I take a break, I just put the apps in a folder and put them on a page by themselves, but during my break I may cheat and look. This time I straight deleted the apps. No cheating. I honestly was tired of reading y’all opinions and thoughts. It’s some of the best peace I’ve had in a while. I honestly thought I would miss it, but nope. Not at all.

Around the 5/6 day of my break I decided to clean my dream/goal journal out and rewrite my notes so they were more organized and I discovered I’ve been writing the same goals/dreams for years. Every year, same.fucking. goal. I went ahead with what I was doing, but this bothered me. That night while surfing YouTube I ran across what I like to call “adulting” videos; Financial and minimalist videos. Your typical ‘things I don’t buy’ or ‘10 ways you’re wasting your money’. All of these videos resonated with me because again I’ve been purging and feeling cluttered. The more I looked around the more I just saw…. stuff. Just a lot of stuff that I really don’t need/don’t use. I hold on to stuff people get me just cause I don’t want to feel bad for letting it go –when in fact they probably don’t remember gifting me it anyway– so the more I watched the more I became invested.

The next day I woke up in what my mom called a “Katie rage”. My grandmother, Katie, will get in these moods where everything has to change and change right then because she’s tired of saying it and she fusses and complains until it’s done. Whether it’s cleaning the house or redecorating it’s getting done TADAY! -yes that’s right, ta-day– Now I must add that I was sick with an upper respiratory infection so I had been off work during this social media break and I had a lot of time to sit with my thoughts. So that day I woke up with a clarity I haven’t had…. possibly ever? My mom and I purged, cleaned, and redecorated which I’m soooooooo happy with. I work from home so I have wanted my space to be nice, ascetically pleasing. I’ve been focusing on just my bedroom for a while, but it was a lot of stuff in my house that had been in my house since I moved out of my mother’s house which was… 7/8 years ago? I was just tired of looking at it. I literally threw what seemed like half the apartment away. Sa la vie! -la vie!-

943fbd8450531a4095b8fb1f05972b5883433736_hq

I will say my thoughts have been clear and focused, but I can’t seem to shut them off. I feel like I’m on a drug at times, but the results have been good so I’m kind of ok with it –lol-I won’t say I’m a minimalist. I dig the concept. I take some of their lifestyle and apply it to my own because we as Americans do over consume. Families in need probably wouldn’t be if some of us just learned that less is more. We don’t need a lot to survive. While I LOVE my closet –and awesome fashion sense wink wink lol- I don’t need all the clothes in my closet and could probably dress a whole 2/3 people and still be able to dress myself with my entire wardrobe. We really do live in excess. However I can’t let my closet go- even if I can’t wear half of it lol-, but I can control what I buy. Going for the structured quality items vs the fast fashion or getting Pyrex containers that are multipurpose vs. buying Tupperware. -environmentally better too

Maybe it was time for a lifestyle change, No no it was definitely time for a more adult lifestyle change. As I go into my 30s its time to let a lot of my old habits go. Those same habits can no longer serve me where I’m trying to go.

download

What are some things you could let go?

Lets talk about it!

XOXO

And remember

Don’t be bitter

Be better!

 

 

Expect the best, but Prepare for the Worst.

images copy 2 Sometimes you can want something so bad, that you over think it, or over do it. I wanted this blog to be such a success that I lost sight of what I was doing it for. I began to put this strict schedule on my self that when I didn’t receive the praise I wanted I began to withdraw from it.

I begin to over analyze what I could do to change the situation. I go through different scenarios of what could happen. And I ultimately begin to get frustrated and either have a complete shut down stressed out moment or if my PMDD shows up I have panic attacks.

heroHave you ever seen the secret life of Walter Mitty? I wont give it away if you haven’t, but it’s a movie about a guy that daydreams, and ill leave it at that. Daydreaming is probably the worst thing someone who has high expectation set could do.

I always have high expectations set. No matter what I do. I build this moment up in my mind and my mind paints this wonderful picture full of all the different possibilities. Then, the event happens and it’s nothing how I planned it in my head -like I’m gone need the world to get on the script I’ve written here, it’s AMAZING – but it never works like that because, I didn’t write the script.

mWhat happens is I usually end up not enjoying the moment because it was nothing like I planned it to be in my head and my expectations are let down. And I’ve missed out on what could have been the best time of my life.

Relationships, Career choices, finances, all unreachable expectations.

Now your standards should be high for these, but you expectation should be to prepare for the worst. I, however, do the opposite, standards high, expectations high. i go in expecting this magical moment, not allowing myself to face reality.

Unknown copy 3How to lower these expectations is something I’m still figuring out. Because lets face it, your expectations can potentially ruin a very pure honest moment. I was able to lower them once by breathing through it – and possibly because I really had no idea what to expect – and it needed up being the best time I’ve ever had, and I met some pretty amazing people from it.

If you have any tips or tricks for lowering your expectations comment below and share them!