Over-Thinking

Hello, my name is Veronica and I’m an over-thinker. I haven’t always been this way or maybe I have and I’m just now fully aware of it. I find if I am having a PMDD (which you can read about HERE) episode my over –thinking can kick into high gear or during times of high stress I can find myself questioning everything.img_7440

In this blog, I am going to be talking about ways I have learned to deal with my over-thinking- which I have now accepted as a part of me

It wasn’t easy getting to this point, honestly still a work in progress. Here are the things I have found help me the best.

1. You have to learn to be ok with questions you’ll never get the answers to.

This one was a big one for me, especially during a period of rejection or dating. I’m constantly trying to figure the situation out. Beat the game before it can beat me, but life doesn’t work that way. I had to learn to let it flow, be present in the moment, and let it work itself out – I recently learned this lesson by causing myself all this confusion by over-thinking the situation when the answer was simple, I don’t need all the answers let it flow naturally, but hey I’m only human– I tend to ask questions to the point of insanity for some people.  I’ve mentioned in a previous blog that I’m not the person you take to the movies, I know we are both seeing the movie for the first time; however, I will ask questions. I ask questions even if it’s a movie I have already seen.- It’s pretty ridiculous.- I like to know things fully before I give all of my attention to it, which I find to be a positive thing, but rather than being present in the moment and letting it flow, ill question it to death.  I’m learning to silence the thoughts by practicing mindful thoughts and countering them with positive thoughts-not saying my thoughts/questions are negative, but they can drive me to the point of insanity.

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2. You will have to work hard to change your thinking

This was also another gem I recently discovered. Your thoughts control your actions and reactions to situations and the way you perceive things. Over-thinking can make you think things are one way when they aren’t and vice versa. I’m a Libra, so I try to see situations from all sides. I try to put myself in the shoes of others and see things from their perspective. Sometimes this creates more questions because I can also see it from my perspective. I can literally flood my mind with thoughts and it’s not even that deep. In times where I’m dealing with rejection or some sort of “loss”, if you will, I have to constantly train my mind to go from over analyzing to words of positive affirmations, because I can be my own worst critic.-but hey aren’t we all?

img_72743.Write it out!

Rapping, writing, poetry, song writing, listen whatever form you have to use to work it out use it! Journaling for the win “What you reveal, you heal”-Jay Z (and some others I’m sure) but it’s true. How can you heal from something if you’re not willing to reveal it? Not reveal it in the sense that you have to declare it to the world, but to yourself. Sometimes we will deny our own truths or suppress them thinking that if we ignore them we’ll get over them. –Boy are you wrong– all you’re doing is giving it power to fester. Would you get shot and not have it checked out? Would you find out you have cancer and just ignore it thinking it’ll go away if you act like it’s not there? No. So why would you deal with your problems like that?! Therapy works, but if you really don’t want to share express it some way, better out than in.

4. Distract yourself

Constantly over thinking, over analyzing, dwelling is not healthy for the mind, clear it out and focus that energy on self. In times of rejections, break-ups, self doubts, and life’s little curve balls will throw over-thinkers, like myself, into overdrive. We are determined to figure out why? What happened? How can I fix this? What can I learn from this? How can I make this better or change it to my favor? The answer is simple: you don’t.  Let’s circle back to #1, You have to accept that you don’t have all the answers. You HAVE to let it flow.  How does an over-thinker let it flow? Starve that part that you’re dwelling over, distract yourself. Something I learned from baseball, when the pitcher is getting ready to throw the ball he focuses on where he wants the ball to go, he feels the energy flow through ball, he twist it in his hands, gets it ready to throw, and just before he gets into motion he looks away. There’s a study that says for perfect work productivity you work 52 mins and walk away for 17 mins. You have to stop thinking about it, to think about it. –Crazy I know– I have found that I have figured more out while not thinking about it than I did overt-thinking it. I have found that by distracting myself with meditation, yoga, getting outdoors –because I work 24/7 365, its very important to stop and get fresh air– dance, reading, working on my craft, music, coloring- yes this helps– exercising, and becoming my best self has helped me more than constantly mulling over a situation. Once I find myself completely distracted I somehow have an “ah ha” moment.img_7463

5.Appreciate the “ah ha” moments

Sometimes you have to go through it to grow through.  That last sentence was an “ah ha” moment within its self. Be careful with the “ah ha” moments. Sometimes they can throw you back into thinking about a situation. “Ah Ha” moments are beautiful when they happen. They make you appreciate everything you went through to get to that moment. More so because it allows you to finally see why you had to go through that situation. Leveling up, struggle moments, moments you feel like you’re being tested, they mean something in the long run. It’s important to appreciate them for what they are, but don’t let them drive you back down the road of questioning everything.

These 5 tips have helped me tremendously, but like I said before definitely a work in progress. This is probably something I will always have to work on, learning to be quite and realize I don’t need the all the answers especially because time reveals all.1000_mean-girls-try-new-thing

Are you an over-thinker? Comment below some of the things that help you be still in calm your mind. Let’s talk about it!

Until next time

XOXO

 

 

Heavy is the Load…

In our daily lives we all pick up little or big stresses and at some point we all go through traumatic experiences. It’s no secret that I too have been through many things- I mean hello, I share most of it with you guys-Unconsciously, we pick these stresses up and begin to carry them and soon enough we are forever changed.
Last year, I had a life changing moment. I became awake, aware, and blank. Yes, you read that correctly blank. I wasn’t even aware that I was a shell of myself until recently. I was looking at old pictures and I realized I don’t smile like that anymore.

I used to take so many selfies- I mean you thought Kim K was bad? You haven’t seen my camera roll- I used to go out more often than I do now. As I moved into more recent times I saw less and less pictures of me and the smile that I used to have was now replaced by this fake, forced smile. I didn’t realize this experience took so much from my life. I didn’t realize I was carrying this load.  Have you ever thought you were over something simply because you had forgotten about it or because the presence of it was no longer there? In all reality you may have forgotten about it –or tried to- but the weight of it, you carry everywhere.

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I’ve taken this pain, this hurt, and I’ve internalized it. On the outside, I’m fine, but on the inside I’m slowly killing myself. I’m torturing myself and I don’t even realize it. and that’s really no way to live.

So the question is how do you begin to really heal? I have accepted the things that have happened and the choices that I have made, but instead of healing I’ve punished myself. I don’t allow to myself to go too out of control, I don’t allow myself to have too much fun, I don’t allow myself to feel pretty anymore. I have become this workaholic that had thrown myself into this tiring cycle of a8defde389f9b1eb2b17cbef83575310work, sometimes eat, and maybe get some sleep. I am a robot. –no seriously I am. I am the most responsible person now- it’s scary! Not that anything is wrong with being responsible, but there’s a balance to it, that I don’t have and can’t seem to find- or allow myself to find-

Recently, I began taking steps into something I really love to do.  I began to see a glimmer of who I once was. I’ve met some amazing people that have really changed my perspective. I have a sense of community with them.  I also realized that when I got to a certain point of allowing myself to be, I reeled myself back in subconsciously. I feel crazy for allowing myself to get like this, but I’m glad I was able to see what I was doing to myself.

c02e6f02323ad023374d6df004694a1dI’ve found that this is part of my story. I have to become comfortable with that. This is not something that happened to me by chance. This is not something that wasn’t supposed to happen. This is my story. It is a part of who I am. When what we consider mistakes happen we automatically try to figure out how to correct it. How can we fix it? But the reality is that it happened. Now I have something I can build on, I have something I can learn from, I have something that is unique to my experience.

Things happen in life that we don’t plan, we can’t control, we can only do the best we can with what we have. Some things are worse than others, but we can’t continue to beat ourselves up over it. You can’t control the situation only your attitude about it. I cannot continue to beat and punish myself for actions of the past. It happened, I dealt with it, and it’s over now. I forgive myself. I forgive myself. I FORGIVE MYSELF.

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It’s More Than PMS…

As many of you may have notice there was no video to follow the blog for last week. For that I apologize. I absolutely LOVE making the videos and giving a voice to my blog. However, for the past couple of weeks I had to take a break and for this week’s blog I wanted to shed some light on something that I have been privately dealing with for a few years now. Let me give you a back story.

—————-Disclaimer: males, this is about to get real personal Achem——————-
PMDD It's not Just PMS Orange Image_nAbout 2 years ago I was diagnosed with something called PMDD or Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder. The best way to describe it is having the usual pms symptoms x10.

 

 

 

images (2)At the age of 18 I was recommended –like all sexually active adults- to take birth control. I hated taking pills so I opted for the Depo shot. While the first shot was pretty breezy, the second shot proved to be the complete opposite.- if you’ve never been on Depo you get a shot once every 3 months – My periods began to be very irregular, and very unpredictable. I gained about 40lbs. By the third shot, I decided to get off the shot the symptoms were too much for me and I was giving Vickie Secrets too much of my money!!!

Untitled-design-7I completely got off the shot and things only got worse. My body didn’t feel like mine anymore, I even sweated differently. About 2 years later, I began to develop cyst on my ovaries- which runs in my family, so we couldn’t be certain if the shot or just my genetics caused this– and my doctor put me back on birth control to help stop the formation of the cyst- because let’s be honest cyst pain is the worst! I wouldn’t wish that on my enemy– I started on the birth control pill Loestrin  – which my doctor said had the lowest dose of hormones in it– about 2 months into taking it I began to experience extreme mood swings, crying spells- yes I would burst into tears for no reason at all– panic attacks, depression/anxiety and extreme pelvic pain- non cyst related. That’s when I got my diagnosis and my doctor then put me on Celexa. I immediately felt relief with the first pill, followed by excessive yawning, muscle spasms and sleep walking. My doctor decided to switch my meds, but I had had enough. I decided to wean myself off and find a better healthier route to dealing with it.

It’s been 2 years since I got off the birth control and Celexa. I still have PMDD and it rears its head every now and then. I usually experience it 2 weeks before my cycle and 2 days after my cycle. I began to watch what I ate, tried to drink plenty of water- work in progress, Jesus make it taste like wine-took up yoga and light exercising. This helps with the cyst pain and the PMDD. If I’m feeling really bad, and I can tell I’m about to have a flare, I try to cry it out before it rears its head- take a hot bath, cry it out, comfy pjs and a classic rom com/drama and cry it out some more with a glass bottle of wine.

thingsnevertosaypmdd2I’ve felt more like myself now than I ever have since I began taking the birth control. When my PMDD does show up, however, it’s extreme. It usually last just a day but, is better with rest. I wake up in a funk –literally the devil reincarnate- and I usually stay to myself, which comes off to others as having an attitude, and I may have a crying spell or two.
I let one of managers know because it was affecting my work. I’m not sure if she was forgetful or just insensitive to it, but she began to make fun of me, call me bipolar or crazy, and tell me I needed to suck it up or get laid. I decided then I would never tell anyone else. I’ve kept this private because I was ashamed of it. I didn’t know anybody who was dealing with it. I didn’t want anybody to know that I suffer from something my own body causes me. And I definitely didn’t want to be labeled as crazy.

images (3)But, it’s ok to be dealing with it. I know people who have gone through depression and didn’t make it out. I know their suffering seems redundant over time, but it’s real to them. If you care about that person no matter how redundant it seems, just be there. I’m thankful I have a mother who will hold the phone and listen to me just cry if I need to. – I mean you the real MVP– never dismiss someone because their pain doesn’t seem real to you. Try to help and if you cant find them help!

Take Care of yourself…Mentally.

depressionRecently events/circumstances have happened to me that have caused me to take a step back and deal with them. I completely checked out of my life for about 2 weeks. I’m still putting the pieces together and every day is getting easier but it’s still a struggle. I know you all are wondering what the heck happened?!? Well that topic, for personal reason, will remain off limits until I feel that I can handle sharing it with the whole world. For now, it’s my little secret that I have to fight every day to deal with. However, while dealing with my situation I was hit with some thoughts while reflecting on it.

Your circle.

Your crew6356558034411494231894482881_giphy-13, your homies, your friends. Nothing lets you know who is really there for you than going through a traumatic circumstance. For me, while going through any situation I feel alone, even though I know I am not. My circle and their faith in the lord really let me know that although I felt alone, I was not. The constant phone calls and texts I got was overwhelming, in a good way. It’s very important to build a good group of friends. I do have family and they support me very much -to the point where I could get by without having friends –lol- seriously my family is awesome. However, I don’t know where I would be without the support of my friends. To be able to go through this experience and knowing that many of them have been through it too was very comforting. It’s during these times in our lives you find out who’s about you and who’s still about you Drake voice. It’s also during these times you find out who is there not just for the benefit of you but for the benefit to you. Did you catch that? I truly believe those are the people God has aligned you with.

Dealing with it.

Any t3099_edbdraumatic situation/circumstance is going to be hard period. I know for some people they are able to put this mask up and pretend everything is ok until the work day/ or whatever it may be that you leave the house for. For me, however, there was no hiding it. It was simply easier for me to sit at home and cry rather than be a complete mess at work. Yes, there were some days where I would have to work and I would have to run to the bathroom and cry it out. Unfortunately, I’m not made out of money and I don’t have the luxury of working from home. Point I’m making is, its ok to feel like crap and completely check out. Remember not to stay there. That this too shall pass. Do not sink so low that you cannot see your way out. There is an end to everything.

Talk it out.acceptancehope_zps64ddeb95

Whether you have to talk to yourself, your dog, the wall, or talk to a friend-just make sure it’s someone who doesn’t mind you constantly talking about it to the point of insanity- trust and believe I wouldn’t
have gotten through any of it without being able to talk it out no matter if it was to a wall. It’s important to get the thoughts out. Write them down if you have to. Being bottled up is not healthy and trust me the bottle can only hold so much before it explodes.

Heal.

tumblr_nbo65koQNO1tjbfljo1_500Like I said before, everyday gets better but every day is still a struggle. It’s going to be. It’s a fact. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and take your time. Time heals all wounds. However, time is the hardest thing to get through. Just keep busy. I would reflect from the time I got home all the way until went to bed. It’s important not to dwell, just reflect. If your religious this is the time I would talk to God. This is the time I would meditate. This is the time I would cry it out if I needed to. There’s no right way to heal, these are just the things I found helpful to me.

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I wrote this post in hopes that this would help someone, not to expose my life. If you’re grieving or going through a situation that you just don’t think you can handle, I guarantee you are not alone. There’s help! There is someone you can talk to- a super plus is you always have yourself, you might feel crazy at first, but the more you get it out the less crazy you feel- I hope these words find someone in need

Until next time….. live love.

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