The Blacker The Berry…

black is be    Growing up we are all self conscience of something. Some of these things we eventual grow out of and some things we hold on to. We may bury it and carry it with us wherever we go, or we choose to let it out and try to overcome it and work through it. I wrote a blog not too long ago titled flaws and all- if you haven’t, stop reading and go check that blog out.- I talk about how my flaws are my beauty. It’s what makes me unique; it’s what makes me different. What I failed to mention was the flaw that took me the longest to overcome.

I love who I am. It took me so long to become comfortable and unapologetic with whom I am. It also took me a long time to figure out who I was, who I wanted to be and who I aspired to become. We all go through situations that shape and mold us to whom we are presently and who we will become. My main purpose was to talk about those situations that may be difficult to talk about, but people could relate to. To use my voice to expose deep issue that we I go through in life. I’ve been through a lot. More than meets the eye. To understand it we have to go to the beginning.

beautiful“Being a dark skinned black girl is a part of me. It’s something that I can never change, but I always wanted to.

I grew up in a neighborhood where it wasn’t exactly the hood, but it wasn’t middle class either. It was where they would put the elderly or disabled and every now and again, if you were lucky enough, they would place the people who didn’t seem like “hood rats”. Every now and again a select few slipped through the cracks. For the most part, it was a quiet neighborhood, but it was still the hood.

I went to a predominately white school. Sometimes I would be the only black kid in the class. If I got lucky there would be two of us, but I would be the only one that was aware.- I was very much aware that I came from a different background.-

My grandmother and mother always made it a point to teach me and my brother how to be proper, to have manners, and to never be a product of your environment. –be of the world, but not in it.

This made the kids in my neighborhood treat me as an outsider. Not only did I carry myself like I was above the hood, but I was pretty …for a dark-skinned girl. It’s funny; I always thought that phrase was a compliment. For a dark-skinned girl. Like the color of my skin somehow tarnished my beauty. Like I was less than. Like lighter skin was inferior to mine. The color of my skin somehow made me the scum. I was the blackest, or the darkest they had seen, so I must be the lowest of individuals. Forget my intellect, or my wisdom, or even my contributions to the world. Forget my degrees, my etiquette, or my beauty. No I’m dark skinned, I am not worthy of such status or accomplishments or education.

6a7d11960e9bb92d83727a4ecc737f24The white kids from school they accepted me until they became aware. I remember it like yesterday. It was my birthday and like any little girl in elementary school, I wanted to have a big birthday party and a sleepover. My mother worked her ass off to make sure I had it. After the party was over it was time to go back to my house for the sleepover. It was me and my 3 best friends, who all happened to be white.

In my neighborhood all the houses looked the exact same. Red brick one the outside with heavy metal doors. The inside had cylinder bricking all painted ivory. My mother was a great decorated, one of her many trades, and she always had the places hooked up. You never felt like you were in project housing when you were in our house, at least if you were from there.

My friends noticed right away. They each one by one started to feel scared. Before night fell they had each called their parents to pick them up, some even crying.

I hated myself even more. I began even harder to conform, to blend in, and to fit in. I knew if I could just get rid of my dark skin that they would love me.

it-isnt-a-matter-of-black-is-beautiful-as-much-as-it-is-white-is-not-all-thats-beautiful-quote-1The teachers picked on me. And when my mother would have my classes moved, the teachers would talk to each other and it would get even worse. My mother eventually withdrew me from the school and I went to stay in Texas with my grandmother.

This school was more diverse. My teacher was a young petite lady. My best friend was Asian and I wasn’t the only black kid in class, in fact if memory serves me right there were more black kids than white.

The kids there didn’t care about your skin color. I loved it there. I began to discover who I was beyond my skin color.

My days there were numbered. My grandmother could no longer care for me, she had a lot going on and was about to move to go back to school for another degree. I hated to leave. I felt so free there. It felt like where I should be.

When I came back home I had a “take no shit from no one” attitude. I went back to the same school with the same issues as a different person. I wasn’t afraid to speak my mind for fear I wouldn’t be accepted. My new best friend was black, and he was unapologetically black. He helped me develop what my mom liked to call “the black girl attitude.” I was going to need it; the next chapter of my life was middle school and if I thought things were bad before. Well they were about to get worse.”

naturalblackwomanThats from something special I’m working on. Looking back now, I wish I would’ve told myself you are fine, you are beautiful, your black is beautiful! I wish I would’ve loved myself more. And realized that God knew exactly what he was doing when he decided to make me dark-skinned. I wish I could have told myself its them not me. I wish I could’ve learned sooner that its ok not to fit in and to stand out means more than I could ever know. I wish I would’ve realized sooner that the whole world would be trying to obtain this coco butter brown skin. I wish I had a crystal ball that I could see this day and age trying to obtain all the features I was naturally born with.

I’m glad I know now. I’m proud to wake up every morning and have this gorgeous shade of brown skin. And I hope anyone reading this knows too. We were not made to be put in a box and considered the same. We were not made to feel inferior to others. We were not made to conform.

We were made beautifully flawed. We were made beautifully

#BlackLivesMatter                                #MyBlackIsBeautiful5dc2d0c77ba94b147ae8a55df7b5d743
P.S Go check out my last video –
The Downside to Social Media

P.S.S go check the video out for this blog here! The Blacker the Berry

I Know What He Likes

So I was interested to know what men are attracted to, what things stand out the most. For me, most of my blogs are lately I have been written from my point of view, with some input from my circle of friends. This time I wanted to get my males opinion. I asked them series of questions and gathered a good idea of what the typical established male is looking for.

What feature they found attractive to the opposite sex?
dsfghjkNow I’m not going to lie, I thought I would get the typical answers like she gotta have a fat ass, big titties, small waist etc., but oh I was reassured that there is hope for us grown females that are still searching for that grown man! The top answers I got were that men want someone who carries themselves well. Size really didn’t matter to them as long as you could carry yourself well with that size, clothes that fit be put together. My favorite answer was realness. In a world where everything is becoming so fake some men still value realness. I’m not talking the personality trait, but rather the hair and nails. The other answers I got were approachable down to earth and nice teeth.

Next I asked if they prefer a specific race?
vghjkNow I did this for a couple reasons. I as a dark skinned African American woman seem to sometimes get over looked if I’m standing next to someone of light color. I have always had friends that are of the yellow bone complexion and although I didn’t find a couple of them more attractive than me – TIMEOUT- let’s not sit here and pretend that we don’t compare ourselves to the next chick even our friends. We don’t like our friend cause they’re extra fine it’s their personality, but you can bet your bottom dollar if you had to go up against her in looks you knew if you would fail or win in that category SOMEBODY gotta be the ugly friend,-TIME IN- but they always seemed to win even with jacked up teeth! So imagine my shock when I asked the question and got… NO SPECIFIC TYPE. Wait what?!?! Now maybe this has to do with the grown man putting away his childish ways, because lets be real to only date a certain type of skin color and not give other women a chance is very childish, because to love a person has nothing to do with their skin color- if only America could learn that-
imagesasdfgNow being the single woman that I am, I asked if there were any tips or advice they had on getting chose., for a relationship/wife. And by far the best answer I got I have to share verbatim “A woman shouldn’t wasn’t to be chose, she should was to be cherished. Being chose is like saying you are being selected off a shelf with others which in turns devalues woman’s worth.” Now I completely agree with this answer. We as women should demand to be cherished. However, for us single ones you often wonder is there something I’m doing wrong that I could do different to change my outcome? Another answer that I liked was “Men will treat you how you come off as you want to be treated”. In oher words, post a thirsty picture, you know the one half naked, showing that ass off, and a dog will surely pant in heat. The best way to be on your way to a relationship is to be yourself and to be open. It’s as simple as that.

imagesweNow ladies listen up, because this may help you change your ways! More than anything males hate an attention whore. That was my number one answer to turn offs. Don’t be that female in the club loud as hell for no reason; no one likes that female, she just good for entertainment. You heard it here first. Secondly, being closed- minded, gossipy, lack of confidence and argumentative. Let’s be honest, I can’t be around anybody with these traits, energy level is so negative it has to be hard to have to come home to someone like that.

Lastly I asked what were personality traits that were turn ons, and turn offs. I found that what it boils down to his someone who shares the same interest they have. I think this goes without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway, if you don’t share the same interest but forth some effort to. If that fails lord help you! Pick up the slack in other areas like having good convo, fashionable, goal oriented etc.

I learned a lot just from these simple questions, Did you?
I would like to give a HUGE thank you to the men that participated in this blog it absolutely means the world to me to have your support! To my ladies, if you get nothing else out of this blog, take this away; be you! He who is for you will accept you as you are even your weird little corks that you think no one finds interesting. Be open and always be independent, in the sense that you have some business about yourself, and remember the bible says he who FINDS a wife FINDS a good thing. Men are the hunters for a reason, don’t be desperate boo it’ll happen on Gods time. In the meantime, stay you and be beautiful!

You’re Turning Me Off…

First i had a very major minor set back, i lost my thumb drive with all my work on it, which caused a delay in my blogs, for that I’m sorry. However, I’m back and its back to your regularly schedule program!….

keri-hilson-and-melody-ehsani-turning-me-off-ring-gallery
Following the last post, naturally everything that is the opposite of what attracts me will turn me off. Like stated before, I can get passed some of those only IF what follows doesn’t completely turn me off. Now here’s where I can begin to get real picky. Yes, I tend to get quickly turnt off once I truly get to know a person, but that is what getting to know a person is for, to see if you truly get along? Well that’s a post soon to follow, here’s what can get you a quick dismissed without even making an attempt to get to know you..
pictures_of_the_day_6Weak game.
Now fellas, listen up cause I just may help you bag that chick you’ve been eyeing for far too long. Your game has to match the female! A confident female, who appears to have everything going for herslf, is not going to go for that middle school approach! You guys gotta drop the clichés and just be yourself with it. Drop the “game” approach and just come to her as you are. Confident girls can spot phoniness a mile away. Now notice I said confident female, you can get away with a weak game with an insecure female, sad but true.

Being stingy.imagesnb

Now I may just contradict myself here, however if you are in a club/lounge/bar setting send that girl a drink! Yes I know its cliché but females like the attention. Now I know most males hate doing this because they feel as if they have paid for this drink and the female may reject them, which may be true. If you have engaged this female in conversation a good way to keep her attention is to buy her a drink. Its also very refreshing to the female. I’ll give you guys a great example. Me and a friend of mine were out shopping and decided to grab a bite to eat. While the place was packed we decided to sit at the bar. Some nice looking gentlemen decided to sit beside us and being friendly we all began talking. About 10 mins. Into the convo, the two men brought both me and my friend a drink. This caught my attention for a couple of reasons. 1. Being that I was half in the convo because I could barely hear them it said to me “hey I see you too” 2.it completely caught me by surprised. We weren’t 2 females that were sitting there waiting for males’ attention (we not that type, NEVER BEEN) So it was nice to get a gesture that we were not expecting. Yes fellas that’s right, not all females expect for you to do something for them!

Lingering.
That one male you are trying your hardest to let down gently because you are really a nice person, but they don’t get the hint and then the bitch is about 2.5 seconds from coming out. If I tell you I have a man and you hit me with the “can’t we just be friends” Absolutely……NOT! If I have already told you no and your trying your hardest to play how many different ways can she say no before she says yes, the answer is im not! Nobody likes that game and certainly not finna play it. Take the hint and kindly find a female willing to give you that yes. Its as simple as that.8570995795ae2d04a35b3af2c8a14879

That’s all I got for this one until next time don’t stay thirsty stay yourself!

What Attracts You

What attracts you to the opposite-or same if you’re into that kind of thing-sex? For me it’s a couple of things that catch my eye when I first meet a guy. Just the same they’re a couple things that can quickly turn me off. I’m very selective and I’m slightly picky but my standards are what some may consider high. –Mostly to those that can’t meet them- now I won’t completely dismiss you if you don’t meet all of my standards but you have to be seriously pulling weight in other areas for me to forgive the areas you don’t meet. Without words spoken, what initially attracts you?

Let’s set the scene.
You’re at a laid back type of lounge, sipping your drink with your girls or the fellas and you look up at the table across from yours filled with a group of guys/girls, what is the first thing you notice about the “attractive” one?
For me, I imagessanotice the smile and the eyes. I have always been a sucker for a charming smile. Straight white teeth swoons among the list of things I look at that is the top of the list. If you’re a person that doesn’t smile a lot, I assume you don’t know how to let loose. I like a man that’s full of life. A man that likes to laugh and joke, but not take it too far – it can go from real funny to I will cut you real swift like! It’s all good till it isn’t right?- a smile can tell me that, if I look at you and you smile your polite, if your always smiling/laughing you enjoy having a good time, you probably have a good energy about you. Now when it comes to your eyes, I’m looking for eye contact when your talking to me. Plus your eyes can be a dead give away to wait your really looking for.. and at

Next, my eyes go directly to the shoes. Let’s be real, if you don’t own at least ONE pair of decent going out shoes, what are you doing with your life? This is an essential that can be used over and over, an investment! The shoes a person wears can tell a story about them, make sure it’s the right one. Now I’m not saying they have to be the hottest latest shoes on the block, but some nice quality can go a long way.

Next I travel to the build of a man. The way his clothes fit him, if he looks fit or how muscular he is. Now I can be a bit of a hypocrite in thistrey-songz-shirtless-in-cancun area. I’ve always heard a man is a reflection of yourself. Now I’m not the fittest woman. There are some areas I need to work on – I’ll be honest- I’m not a gym junkie but I don’t completely neglect it either. However, I like my man to look fit. A person that looks like they take care of themselves, is probably more upbeat, has their stuff together, and is more ambitious or focused. I go for more of an athletic build. Trey Songz, Michael B. Jordon – both have already been established as bae in previous post- a basketball players build. Defines, toned arms, six pack-honestly I think that goes without saying- a defined back, toned shoulder and the pecks to match are all lovely features. I think working out says a lot about a person mentally and is good for overall health. There’s really no excuse not to workout 30 mins. out your day and it can be completely free. I also want to know if the zombie eclipse should come I have a standing chance with you –lol-

Finally, I look at the way you carry yourself. Now this above all else has to be in place. Are you nails clean, are your lips chapped, are you well dressed, do you smell good, is your hair cut?, are you ashy?-lol- seriously though small things I noticed wayyy faster than the big things, odd I know. I personally don’t know any woman/man that would want/be attracted to a man/woman that were lacking in this area. Especially, if you knowingly go out looking a mess. To me that says either you really didn’t want to go out or you are seriously lacking some home training, and I don’t want to even think about what your place looks like eeeeekk. Even if you are struggling financially these are simple inexpensive, things you could do on your own to improve your chances.

david-beckham--zNow for me, these are just the things I quickly check out, while looking through a crowd or see gentlemen sitting at a table. It gets way deeper once a man opens his mouth and I’ll get into that on the next blog. Until then, I’d like to know what attracts you?