World Stop! Carry on..

I am an introvert at heart. I enjoy having fun and being social, but as much fun as that is, it’s also draining. I enjoy being alone. I enjoy being in my own world with my quirky little habits. I enjoy dancing around my house in my underwear singing at the top of my lungs eating ice cream straight out of the tub.
failed-resolutions-resized-600When this past year started, I had so many goals I wanted to accomplish. I’m usually the person that makes New Year’s Resolutions, but a month into the New Year; I completely blank on or forgot about those resolutions. –I have been trying to lose 30 pounds for 3 years -_-. Going into 2016 I really want to check some stuff off my list and I did, but once my list was getting checked off it only made me want to add more. This is where the balancing act came into play.

Life is like a game of juggle sometimes. You juggle your needs, wants, career, and sometimes the curve ball life throws at you. You can become so focused on the game that you begin to lose sight of life and being in the moment. You become so focused on the act of juggling, that it’s routine. The game isn’t fun anymore, and now your body has the anigif_enhanced-buzz-21476-1427232414-14instinct and naturally knows how to juggle. So much so, that you can juggle with your eyes closed. The fun is now replaced with stress. Your arms are getting heavy, but you are focused. You are not going to let any of the balls drop. Your eyes are weary. Your body is giving out, but you are so determined to complete your task you ignore the signs. Until one day, you drop a ball. And like a snowball effect, all the balls fall. Your body has reached its limit. And you’re out the game. Mentally drained and physically exhausted.


I had to take a step back. Mentally and physically I had no choice. I’m used to working 2 jobs 64+ hour work week, 7 days a week. I’m used to never pursuing things I want for myself. I changed that in 2016. I explored hobbies, I found my purpose, and I pursued my dreams, all while maintaining 2 jobs 64+ hour work week, 7 days a week. –talk about juggling! One morning I woke up, and physically could not move, work was not an option. I went to the doctor for her to tell me I was exhausted and I had a few vitamin deficiency and she gave me a mandatory 2 days off- which doesn’t seem like much, but it was very much needed to someone who only gets holidays off-

Thank God for friends. I took a trip to my friend’s lake house and got some much needed relaxation. While there in the middle of nowhere I found a little bit of restoration and rejuvenation.


bossWe as individuals can be so hard on ourselves. Something inside me wanted to achieve so bad, which can sometimes be a good thing, but at what cost? I compare myself to my role models, people I aspire to become. If they can do it, what’s stopping me? I live by “You have the same 24 hours as Beyoncé. Get shit done.” Not a bad motto when you are Beyoncé and you have a team of people helping you to achieve your goals and dreams. I’m just one person. The actor, the cameraman, the editor, and the news reporter on my own story.



7408e98bb9a3427e2cc6a218958dbfa8Going into this new year, let’s change up the way we do things –New Year, new me, who dis?- I had the concept right last year,3 goals, break those goals down into months, then weeks, then days. Work on them each little by little until the goal is complete.-I even made a video about it, see below or click ⇒ here – Sounds logical right? Until life happens and then what goals? Implementation is key right? Creating the goal and starting the goal is the easy part, actually following through and completing the goal that’s a completely different ball game- that I haven’t even made the team for, OK!-One of the things I find that hinders myself from completing the goal, is my mindset. If you think positive you stay positive, if you think this is going to fail, it will fail, if you think negative well you get what you think.- see where this is going?

42fda8172eb2c6d21113218e525032fe I have to constantly check in with myself once those feelings arise. I self-doubt, A LOT. Any form of art, you’re leaving yourself vulnerable. You’re literally taking something that is very special to you, something that took, hours, days, months, and years to make and then you present it for the world to see and not everyone is going to like it- that you know- but you are just hoping it is received well. You hope that it was received in the light that you made it in. As a writer, everything I publish is my baby, so I’m very protective of it. I struggle with writing sometimes because I can get a bit too personal. I’m very proud of what I write, I know it helps sooo many of you. Knowing that should be enough for me to keep going right? WRONG! I began to doubt that what I have to say is not very important. But isn’t it? That’s where I have to check myself. Ok, I’m feeling self-doubt. But that’s my own fear not allowing me to be great and fear and faith can’t reside in the same place. I have to literally tell myself out loud I am more than this. I am better than this someone out there is depending on me. I check that emotion and I continue on my way. Dreading going to work? Check that emotion, if you think it will be a shitty day guess what? It will be a shitty day! Humble yourself. Do you know how many people would kill for that very job so they can have that income?! It’s all about retraining your thoughts. As soon as that thought comes in CHECK THAT SHIT!



The power of words 

Be careful what you say. Words to live by. I once told a boy I would care about him forever. If I knew then what I know now I would have thought it a lie, but 8 years later and not a day goes by, that my heart doesn’t yearn and wonder are you still alive? And if you are, I hope your doing fine. And my what I wouldn’t give to have just one last time to be like we were when it was just you and I and no distraction from the world just our own little secret universe.

Give them their roses while they can still smell them. Words to live by. A friend of mine used to tell me “if they died today, would you cry?” Would you cry for the things you got to say, or the things left unsaid? If they just up and disappeared would you be content with the way the story ends? Mend your fences today don’t let it break away.

Put your pride aside. Words to live by. Are you so afraid that your vulnerability will leave you looking weak? That you can’t find the courage to speak.? That you can’t find it within your soul to show just how human your humanity can be? Why is it so hard to say the words that are on your mind…

Be careful what you speak. Words are powerful though small and meek. The effects can last for months or weeks or years or in fact some take time to erase from the mind. Words are like little spells waiting to come to fruition. So be selective and take your time. You never know what words you speak will change your rhyme.

Heavy is the Load…

In our daily lives we all pick up little or big stresses and at some point we all go through traumatic experiences. It’s no secret that I too have been through many things- I mean hello, I share most of it with you guys-Unconsciously, we pick these stresses up and begin to carry them and soon enough we are forever changed.
Last year, I had a life changing moment. I became awake, aware, and blank. Yes, you read that correctly blank. I wasn’t even aware that I was a shell of myself until recently. I was looking at old pictures and I realized I don’t smile like that anymore.

I used to take so many selfies- I mean you thought Kim K was bad? You haven’t seen my camera roll- I used to go out more often than I do now. As I moved into more recent times I saw less and less pictures of me and the smile that I used to have was now replaced by this fake, forced smile. I didn’t realize this experience took so much from my life. I didn’t realize I was carrying this load.  Have you ever thought you were over something simply because you had forgotten about it or because the presence of it was no longer there? In all reality you may have forgotten about it –or tried to- but the weight of it, you carry everywhere.


I’ve taken this pain, this hurt, and I’ve internalized it. On the outside, I’m fine, but on the inside I’m slowly killing myself. I’m torturing myself and I don’t even realize it. and that’s really no way to live.

So the question is how do you begin to really heal? I have accepted the things that have happened and the choices that I have made, but instead of healing I’ve punished myself. I don’t allow to myself to go too out of control, I don’t allow myself to have too much fun, I don’t allow myself to feel pretty anymore. I have become this workaholic that had thrown myself into this tiring cycle of a8defde389f9b1eb2b17cbef83575310work, sometimes eat, and maybe get some sleep. I am a robot. –no seriously I am. I am the most responsible person now- it’s scary! Not that anything is wrong with being responsible, but there’s a balance to it, that I don’t have and can’t seem to find- or allow myself to find-

Recently, I began taking steps into something I really love to do.  I began to see a glimmer of who I once was. I’ve met some amazing people that have really changed my perspective. I have a sense of community with them.  I also realized that when I got to a certain point of allowing myself to be, I reeled myself back in subconsciously. I feel crazy for allowing myself to get like this, but I’m glad I was able to see what I was doing to myself.

c02e6f02323ad023374d6df004694a1dI’ve found that this is part of my story. I have to become comfortable with that. This is not something that happened to me by chance. This is not something that wasn’t supposed to happen. This is my story. It is a part of who I am. When what we consider mistakes happen we automatically try to figure out how to correct it. How can we fix it? But the reality is that it happened. Now I have something I can build on, I have something I can learn from, I have something that is unique to my experience.

Things happen in life that we don’t plan, we can’t control, we can only do the best we can with what we have. Some things are worse than others, but we can’t continue to beat ourselves up over it. You can’t control the situation only your attitude about it. I cannot continue to beat and punish myself for actions of the past. It happened, I dealt with it, and it’s over now. I forgive myself. I forgive myself. I FORGIVE MYSELF.


You did what?!?!

Been gone for a min. now I’m back with the jump off!


Whats up guys! Did you miss me? Don’t all answer at once! If you follow me on IG-Lilsisveebspot or FB-vlbrown2- then you know I did a social experiment and completely removed myself from ALL most social media. I know you guys are wondering, “LilSis why did you leave social media?” Well I wanted to detox from it. I would spend HOURS flipping between the same 3 apps and before I knew it my life had passed by while I was watching/reading everyone else’s life.  I realized that I was becoming addicted to social media. My phone was always in my hand and I was no longer present in the moment. Ironically, I wrote a blog about the downside to social media where I shamed people for doing this- see how God humbles you?- I took approximately 3 and a half weeks away from social media, nothing too crucial- but it felt like a freaking lifetime!- I knew it was going to be hard or feel weird. What I was not prepared for were these 5 things.

Now lets get to what really went down …

  1. Clueless to social events and current news.

im-too-busy-to-tell-people-how-oBDI don’t have cable- i’m NEVER home, I work 7 days  a week (i’ve been told I do a lot, but I always feel like I can do more shrugs) so I often look to FB or The Shaderoom on IG to keep current on the latest. Without those two thing I was left to CNN in the break room reporting on Trump’s speeches-needless to say lunch was a dragggggg and my least favorite part of the day-be it as it may at least I was able to keep up with this year’s dreadful presidential election progress.




  1. The struggle was real.

facebook-twitter-tumblr-instagram-aziz-tomI’m not going to lie, it was hard as heck not to look at my phone. Especially in the morning that’s how I would wake myself up. Instead, I decided to listen to music- which I very much enjoy now- But the first couple of days I cheated. It was harder than I thought to go cold turkey. Ironically, the one app I wanted to detox the most from was the one I found my self wanting to look at the most; Facebook. I was ready to get to leave those ignorant opinions alone and rid it of my life. – or so I thought.- Then I decided if I was going to keep my sanity, I had to look at something.  So I decided that I would stay on Snapchat. Since the stories delete after 24 hours, I would watch them once, just once, a day and that was it to keep me in the know.


  1. More time to do more.

tumblr_mc4dih8UIc1qb4mxmo1_r1_500Like I was saying before, I work 7 days a week and 2 of those days are 12 hour shifts, I also write blogs/videos, take acting classes AND I’m a signed active actress/model so, how could I possible fit more into my schedule?! I’ll tell you how. with what free time I had, I used to spend hours switching between the same 3 apps-IG, FB, snapchat- naturally you cut out those and now I had nothing but time. Before I felt like I didn’t have time to do daily simple task, suddenly I found myself twiddling my thumbs from having too much time. So I was able to plan, organize and execute my plans.  I was able to better focus on things I wanted to do and goals I wanted to complete. Which was a good thing because I had just started with a new company and I needed time to adjust.


  1. Isolation

lookupYou are truly a ghost and forgotten about if you are not on social media. I have a few close friends, which are really all that matter. But it just brought awareness that if you  are not constantly updating your life, the world really does go on without you. Not that I would expect anything else, but it’s eerie to know that you are pretty much forgotten about.  You’re busy keeping up with other people, who probably don’t keep up with you. –Unless you have some sort of scandal going on, folks love a good cup of tea.-


5. Observing

downloadWhile I was unable to use social media. It really made me notice the world and things that were going on in it. I could tell when I was talking on the phone if someone was busy looking at their social media-I wont call you out boo, but you know who you are!- it really made me aware of how people were constantly on their phone. Most of the people that were driving like idiots were on their phone. I would be grocery shopping and half the store was walking around with their head down. Technology is obviously a huge huge part of the world, but we are more interested in staying connected that we aren’t connected.-get it?


CHmOQucUkAAofinWhen I came back from my hiatus, ironically I wasn’t as interested in social media as much. IG let me down when hey took away chronological order and stole snap stories- i follow wayyy too many people for that, ill stay with Snapchat thanks! is it too much to ask for just chronological order back???- I’m still active on Facebook-those damn dog videos!- and of course I’m on snapchat, but I’m not very active-i work too much, ya’ll wouldn’t want to see that all the time, hell i barley want to see it *
insert crying emoji*-


I realize the blogs are looking a like far and few inbetween, I usually upload every Monday, however I may move it to Tuesdays. Still have some awesome content coming for you guys, some big things in the works so stay tuned!




What’s going on?!


This week’s blog was originally going to be about my break from social media, but in light of recent events, who would I be if I didn’t use my platform to talk about something that affects my community and my heritage? I am sadden that I do not see many brands speaking out on the recent killings, but I am happy to see certain celebrities in the streets doing the marches and making an effort to see change to fruition.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice every where.-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

This is bigger than all of us.  This change needs to happen for the children. It feels like between Martin Luther King’s assassination and President Obama being elected the change that was taking place just fell stagnant. The hate began to grow and became something that has been brewing beneath the surface for a while now.

Black-Lives-Matter-quotesI see a lack of understanding and empathy. The one thing every human being goes through is struggle. My struggle may not look like yours, but we have all struggled at one point or another. We all have the ability to empathize with each other over our different struggles. At this moment in time, why is it so hard to empathize that one particular group is hurting and struggling and needs help? America can acknowledge that when it comes to world hunger, disease, or even allying with nations to take down Hitler, but when a particular group is being slowly eradicated in their homeland, America turns a blind eye.  We scream till we have no voice that #BlackLivesMatter only to be negated and told ‘no, you’re wrong #AllLivesMatter.’ Do they? Because the group that is being harmed is an obvious sign that they don’t all matter. I wouldn’t go to a breast cancer march and yell #ProstateCancerMatters! no only would that be disrespectful, but it would interrupt the cause at hand. Yes, we know it needs help, but right now breast cancer is taking women down at an alarming rate, lets heal this first and then we can help you. So, yes Duh #AllLivesMatter but until Black Lives are included in All Lives, lets heal that wound first. What is most frustrating about this statement is the refusal to see that there is a problem.

“If you stick a knife nine inches into my back and pull it out three inches, that is not progress. Even if you pull it all the way out, that is not progress. Progress is healing the wound, and America hasn’t even begun to pull out the knife.”-Malcolm X

It’s no secret that police brutality on blacks is very common, dating further back than Rodney King’s violent and excessive beating by police that caused the Watts Riots to the hanging of black men in the public for even looking at a white woman. Justice has never really been served for the black community.  But how can it in a system, or world that has set us up to fail from the beginning?

marvin-gayes-quotes-6Let’s give a real history lesson and not the one they make look real pretty in the education system.-if they even still teach that, but I digress that’s a completely different blog post-
Being slaves for over 4oo years was damaging enough- Let’s not get into the effects that can have on a people- Only to get freedom and that’s it. Now the slaves where free with no food, no home, and no money.  What were they going to do to survive? Sharecropping! This worked 3 ways-

  1. Workers can rent plots of land from the owner for a certain sum and keep the whole crop.
  2. Workers work on the land and earn a fixed wage from the land owner but keep some of the crop.
  3. No money changes hands but the worker and land owner each keep a share of the crop.

This sounds like a good idea until you throw in the bitterness the slave owner felt for now having to form some sort of agreement with his slaves and the fact that the terms were completely left in the hands of the slave owner for most of these slaves had no education and were not business savvy. Essentially, they became more in debt than actually being able to earn a living –sound familiar? Somehow the newly free slaves managed to get by living on very little, but now segregation and Jim Crow laws are in effect and well we all know that story. Tack on over 60 years of segregation, the civil rights movement and earning the right to vote in 1965- my mother was born in 1966, is this hitting home yet?- and now we are here. People want to throw up how slavery was so long ago, and it was but what about segregation? There are people still alive and well who can remember in detail the civil rights movement. That can remember in detail the first black kids to go to am all white school. who can remember in detail not being able to vote.

1539b773805ba541ec8465e93f949057On paper, it does seem like that was long ago. In reality it was not that long ago. My generation would be the first to grow up with a fully integrated society and racism not so in your face- but trust and believe it is there- which is why I think it’s a little harder for people to grasp that there is a problem because we’ve been walking around blind to it.
So what can we do to see this change to fruition?
I’m so glad you asked! We have been systematically taught one way. In order to begin a change we have to restructure the systems way of teaching. Or in the words of Jesse Williams “Restructure the function”. I wish there was a right or wrong answer for this, but unfortunately there is not a manual we can pull out that tells us how to fix the machine. Here are some things that would be a great start:

“It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality”-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

  1. Voting.
    In 1965 African Americans were given the right to vote. Our ancestor lost their lives for this right so how dare you not exercise your right?! Here the gag though, I was never taught how to vote. I will be the first to admit, I only voted for the president and blindly clicked on whatever name sounded good for the House and the Senate. – Actually the first time I went to vote for the president I didn’t even know we had to vote for the house and senate. – Educate yourself on what elections are going on within your community. This is very important. Not only does the presidential election matter, but your local elections matter even more. These are the elections that directly affect your day to day life. Make sure you know who you are voting for. This is huge! Remember a leader is nothing without the right team and vice versa.


2. Getting our officers to know the community.
If you saw your local police officers out of uniform would you know them? Do you only see them when you’re getting pulled over or needing emergency help? This is like the child that only gets disciplined hard by one parent, eventually they will begin to resent that parent. I think it’s crucial to know who is protecting us. I realize some cities are bigger than others and it may be a little harder to do so but I think –dare I say this- it’s a major key to breaking down that barrier. Also, we need officers to break the mold and stand up when they know an officer is wrong or when a situation should have been handled different. They never admit their fault. Any good leader will tell you in order to lead, you have to admit when there was a mistake made and how you are going to rectify the mistake. If you cannot do that, no one will ever trust the system. Kudos to the governor of Minnesota for publicly admitting the situation could have been handled better.



3. Building and uplifting black owned businesses.
Why are we so hell bent on not helping each other? I see it so often in other cultures. Asians, Indians, Hispanics hell even white people will band together and help their families, but black people FORGET IT! You are on your own. We make fun of the Hispanics and the Asians for being huddle in a small house but who is coming out on top? We need to learn to build each other up and not tear each other down. We are told by too many people that we will never amount to anything, let’s not do that to each other. Get out and support black owned businesses. Maybe if we can raise enough awareness, those that can’t seem to get a job because of their background and begin to make money the legal way.


Graduates stand for the anthem "Lift Every Voice and Sing" during 2014 commencement ceremonies at Howard University in Washington May 10, 2014. Entertainer Sean Combs delivered the commencement address and received an honorary degree in Humanities during the ceremony. REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst (UNITED STATES - Tags: EDUCATION ENTERTAINMENT SOCIETY) - RTR3OLDN

  1. Educate yourself
    I cannot preach this enough. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! Be a sponge absorb everything! you may not need education to be in the field you’re in? So what! Learn anyway it helps you grow as a person. Learn culture. You don’t necessarily have to be in a classroom to learn. Stop relying on these facebook articles to teach you –and teach you the wrong thing- do your research. Stop spreading propaganda. Pick up a book and let your imagination grow. Hate reading? Listen to audible. It’s too many resources out here to not educate yourself. Give a HBCU a try. –I recommend doing your research before just trying ANY HBCU- however our colleges are becoming a thing of the past because we are losing the resources to keep them open due to attendance. Educate yourself on current legislator and laws being passed. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS! A fool can be easily lead and manipulated. Trust people count on that.

“Ghettoizing and demeaning our creations, then stealing them, gentrifying our genius, then trying us on like costumes before discarding our bodies like rinds of strange fruit. The thing is though, just because we’re magic doesn’t mean we’re not real.” -Jesse Williams

  1. The media
    If there is one thing I could change within my own power it would be the media and its carelessness for the families of the slain. The coverage the media provides does more harm than good in some cases. Following the 2 shootings of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile, there was very little national media coverage on it UNTIL the shooting in Dallas took place and all of a sudden it was around the clock coverage. They were more concerned with Hilary Clintons email-which were important but all day coverage? ALL DAY?!- Than they were about the developments of the two shootings that were clearly affecting communities. The way African Americans are portrayed in the media is disgusting. African Americans are instantly labeled as thugs and criminals. They will put up a mug shot and dispel their criminal history- or allege they have one- before they offer condolences, while Caucasians are depicted as mentally unstable and shown as a model citizen after a mass shooting. This is another form of systematic racism. And it needs to change today!


Lastly, divided we fall united we stand. Gain some understanding for one another. There’s people out here trying to understand and asking what may seem like dumb question, but some people really are that blind. For some people they see only sunshine and rainbows, while others see thunderstorms and rain. Don’t tear them down listen to understand and not just to reply- Gosh that’s my biggest pet peeve- get out of your own agenda and listen for a second. We truly have to be able to have a dialog in order to come together. If we can’t have an open honest dialog with one another if we can’t put to use the basic function of conversation we will never get anywhere. Break down that barrier.

“There really can be no peace without justice. There can be no justice without truth. And there can be no truth, unless someone rises up to tell you the truth.”- Louis Farrakhan

I would love to hear from you. These were just things I think could be done to move forward, but I’m sure there are many more. Let’s open a dialog and discuss. Please note I will delete hateful comments.


Do what makes you uncomfortable now, to get where you want to be.

nWe have this big misconception that success doesn’t come without putting in some serious work. Take for instance a feature film. We are used to going to the movies and seeing this work of images put together but never question the years of work put into it. We see the trailer and months later sometimes weeks we get the film.
Making a murder was by far one of the single most interesting and most talk about documentaries. It took 10 years to make. 10 YEARS! I was 16 when they even began the concept. – Let’s just take a minute to reflect on that… I was just starting high school mmmkay.

Are we so used to getting things so quickly we don’t want to put in the work to obtain it? We are such a microwave society that we have found a way to “bake” a cupcake in a cup in the microwave rather than take the time to bake it in the oven.
mWe are so used to seeing these “overnight” successes in the media. These viral videos and reality TV hit it big, and now we have this idea that we are supposed to have it all figured out in our 20’s and on our way to retirement by 30.

In reality, that is just not the way things work. This concept leaves those who don’t have it figure out, those who are doing their due diligence to society, and those who are locked in to a major they care nothing about, feeling like they are the late bloomers in life. Like they are not doing something right and are wasting away their life. Sure if you want instant gratification then go right ahead and sell your soul, but to truly be successful it takes time.

l-296164Slow downnnnnnnn. Take a breath smell the roses. Life is a journey, not a race. And the biggest way to miss out on it is to start comparing your life to someone else-I know I have to remind myself that their journey is not my journey. –

Sometimes our journey requires doing things we don’t want to do or never saw ourself doing in order to get where we want to be. Some of us figure it out quicker than others, most of us get delayed, but we get  there. Just make sure it’s what you want. Don’t get there and hate every minute of it. life is way too short to do something you hate for a long time. Misery is not supposed to last always. -at least who wants it to?

485e81ab3feccbc4164a49cf967392eaSome days while I sit at the desk of one of my jobs- its levels to this- I sometimes have to figure up how much my check will be to remind myself of why i am even doing this in the first place. i have to keep visuals and daily reminders of the end goal in mind so that i don’t get too comfortable and complacent.

We all want to be successful. I want a full career of success. Success, longevity success, is hard work. Jim Carey, Denzel Washington, Steve Jobs, P.Diddy, Beyoncé, Dj Khaled, Jennifer Lopez etc… All those careers took time, dedication, and hard work. – Much like marriage everybody wants the happily ever after, but nobody wants the commitment to work towards it-
failingNobody wants to fail, however, failing is apart of learning. Learning what works, what needs to be tweaked, and what never to do again. So enjoy your failures. Learn from them and continue to grow and go. You only truly fail if you quit. Set backs spring you forward.

So lets take the time to enjoy this journey. Like i said before its not a race. We all have different destinations. Take the time to really build. put in the hard work and long hours now and remind yourself that all this will be worth it. Anything worth having is worth working for.

Let’s Recap, Toast to the Halfway Mark!

I had a lot of fun with the Month of Music. Thank you again to all the artist that allowed me to interview them, I enjoyed every minute! I hope some networking came from it, you got new fans, and maybe some new opportunities.

Now that the Month of Music is over, lets get back to our regularly schedule program. With it being June-OMG the year is halfway over AHHHHH!- I’ve been looking over my goals and I can’t believe I have everything pretty much checked off! How are you guys doing with that? -If you are lost, check this out.

Can you believe that was my very first goal of the year? Lets talk about something you guys may not know. I make a lot of things sound very easy on here, but life is not as breezy as it appears.

I have had a rough start to my year. One of the worst things -or so i thought- that happened was I got laid off from my full time job. For 30 seconds after I got laid off I panicked. All these thoughts about bills, money, and what to do next flooded my head. For the first time in a long time, I had absolutely no clue what I was going to do.

Meet your VIP and Event Staff for concert scenes on “Nashville”

After about 30 seconds of freaking out and praying, calmness came over me and I knew everything was going to be a
lright. It’s was going to be rocky, but it was going to be okay.

I took the time off to dive into things that were always just a dream to me. I got a wonderful opportunity to be on a popular TV show, I started my YouTube channel, and I really started to take my blogging seriously. Now all of this sounds so exciting; and it was. However, there were times when I was uncertain, scared, and completely shut down from being overwhelmed.

These first 6 months of the year were full of up and downs. A lot of downs and a lot of dwelling in the moment. Gosh, I am the queen of dwelling. I don’t know how to move on from something that truly hurt me. I’m so used to doing it, that I don’t even realize I do it.

Something Keke Palmer said-if you don’t follow her on snapchat, you are doing yourself a huge disservice- really spoke to me, she said we as human beings can reply a moment over and over again in our head, and we allow the energy of that moment, when somebody or something hurt us, to spill into other good moments, and ruin what could have been a great moment. So allow yourself to feel that bad moment for seconds, or hours, but know that only you have the power to let it go.

DeathDwellingPastStayingI never allowed myself to feel those bad moments.I never realized that I, Me and only ME, had the power to move on from that moment. I would take those moments and add them to this brick wall I was building. And every time I had a good moment I would pick out that brick that hurt me and no matter how good that moment was, I would ruin it. Self sabotaging. I would turn what could have been a beautiful moment, or what I could have turned into a positive on only focus on the negative the moment presented. Waiting for a  series of good moments to change my moo

“Rock bottom became the foundation on which I built my life”

I had a couple bad moments within the first half of the year. Every time I thought I hit rock bottom, I hit a lower floor. But after I heard those words, I allowed myself to feel that moment for however long I needed and instead of using that brick to build a wall, I used it to build my foundation. J.K Rowling said, “Rock bottom became the foundation on which I built my life”.  Rather than be hurt by those moments, I’m grateful. I learned. I grew. I’m stronger.

6358791146522069822127800330_learn from the pastSo Often we are told that its our perception of a situation that defines it. If you look at it as a negative, it will be negative. If you think of it as positive it will be a positive moment. And if you look at it as a blessing, it will be a blessing. i had a lot of unexpected “negatives”, but each “negative” prepared me for the next. Had I not gone through the one before, I wouldn’t have known how to handle the next. -Blessings-
As we move into the last half of the year, lets practice changing our mind set. -Positive Vibes Only, even the so called negative ones-

I’ve been keeping to my 3 major goals- I’ve have knocked 2 off, 1 being taking my blogging seriously, 2. is well…. announcement coming soon :)- but one of my minor goals-not even sure if you could call it that so lets go with practice- is to be present in the moment. Too often I am so focused on my phone shuffling between apps that I have wasted HOURS.

So, I will be removing myself from the social media world until July and I invite anyone reading this blog to join me! Blogs are already scheduled and will still go up every Monday- so if you’re not subscribed, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???- I will return in July with what I was able to change, accomplish and learn. I may pop up in-between with my special announcement, who knows…. keep your eyes out on IG- @lilsisveebspot.


Until Next Time Guys!

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Happy Mother’s Day!

With today being Mother’s day, I wanted to take this time to tell my mother how much I appreciate everything she does.

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BUT, I can tell you better than I can write it , so click the link → HERE ←and check out what I have to say!

Also, I’m curious to see if you guys are interested in seeing more or less videos so comment here, or on Youtube and let me know!


Until next time!


Music Feeds the Soul

So here in Tennessee, specifically Memphis, they have Memphis in May. They host a lot of musical events and the best thing ever; Barbecue. I wanted to keep with that theme, minus the barbecue and talk about something that is able to reach all ages, all cultures, all races; Music.

stevieThe melody, the harmony, the base line, the lyrics, the creativity; Ever since my ears could listen, I’ve been in love with music. When I was little, I would lock myself inside my room and sing on end at the top of my lungs to Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Boyz II Men, Britney Spears, Christiana Aguilera, Anita Baker, Monica, Destny’s Child, Michael and Janet Jackson, Debarge, and Prince-Just to name a few. – Now I have my own place and God bless my neighbor’s ears ha! – I sing when I talk, I sing in the shower, I sing in my car, I sing at work –God bless my coworkers ears, I sing in the dressing room, I sing when I cook, I sing when I clean; the point is I love to sing.

UnknownI really began to fall in love with music when it evoked emotions that I had not yet felt. I knew heartbreak before I actually went through it, but music was there to pull me out when the time came. When I hear a song – like one of me and my moms favorite Stevie Wonder songs, all I do- I instantly think back to the time when we were sitting around my grandmother’s kitchen table and we sang it to each other while all our family looked at us as if they wertumblr_m983wdMPmT1rcrp0yo1_500e left out of some sort of inside joke we shared or when Earth, Wind and Fire- Boogie Wonderland comes on i instantly change it because it reminds me of someone i lost.  Music has be
en a soundtrack to my life. Music has always been that “perfect verse over a tight beat”.
No Genre is safe from me. I literally will listen to anything. I’m the annoying passenger that knows every song that comes on the radio no matter what station you turn it to. No era
itumblr_n4nkyyF4891tyhvs4o1_500s safe. 9 times out of 10 if you are anywhere near me, I’m most likely listening to something way older than I am. I’m not a trendy music listener. I enjoy works of art. A collection of music that can ell a story. Make me feel the very emotion that person experienced. Something I feel is lost from this generation. – With the exception of
eyoncé’s album –Lemonade. When I say it was something missing from the nostalgic world of music and she completely came in and filled killed that void. Blog coming soon on that- we don’t get that anymore. When the album had an intro and outro, various speaking scripts in between the songs, and when videos had actual choreography, shoot when a video actually prepared you for the music to be release and all you had was the video- am I showing my age? Lol-

I even went, as far as to learn to play the saxophone- I was first chair too- I wish I had picked up the piano or the guitar- bucket list goals-

e4a17e1f968485c41647ac83ecb6ab64The thing I love most about music; it gets you through life. Heartbreak, love, family, lost ones, celebrations, depression, and moments of pure joy; music is right there. It has the ability to transcend hate, race and culture. The very things that make us uniquely different, music has the ability to unite.

I wanted to take this month to show my deep love for music.- plus y’all know I love a good theme!- I took this opportunity to put a spotlight on local artist and showcase blogs about those who have influenced me- and I’m sure many others. I really wanted to take this opportunity to see what actual artist thought about  and their views on the industry.

I’m all about interaction; so don’t be afraid to comment on each and every post! Lets kick off with this, what is the reason you love music?





What About Your Friends?…

Good friends are hard to come by. Much like a good man you have to go through some rotten ones to truly appreciate the good ones. I’ve had my share of the one you grow up with and grow apart. The ones you thought you knew, but didn’t really know at all, and the absolute worst-like how did we even start a friendship???

Let me give you a few scenarios…

I’ve had best friends get their other friend a date with a dude who I had a bad break up from, that heart ache break-girl code, Heifa you TRIED it.tumblr_miwal6Pjoy1qfpilno1_500

I’ve had friends accidentally send me texts messages talking about me- gots to be more careful.

The hoe friend that every male assumes you must be a hoe too since y’all are friends and damn near sexual assaults you so you explain to your friend that it’s time to go but she wants to be a hoe so you have to find your own way home… In a strange city… That you barely know…imageswe

I’ve had friends pretend to be my friend just to make a mutual friend feel comfortable around her friends – * insert eye roll*imagesx
Then there was the friends that drop you cold turkey just quit calling, no txt, girl you messed up in someway and its to the point that I don’t even want to repair the friendship or tell you what you did wrong. Want to repair things….imagesasdf

And the ever so classic, friend that tells you no matter what, no matter who, nothing and no one will ever stop us from being friends… Then they meet someone fall in love, and their lover don’t like you and they change tunes and flip the script real quick. *New number, who this? *b43d16fa913797ee9d6775f5f87d64c7

Chile you name it I had it as a so-called friend. Keep in mind this over the course of high school through college. Friends are literally trial and error. And I always have a hard time choosing ‘em!

I always wished I was that girl with the tight click of friends, like sex and the city. A friendship takes just as much energy and time as a relationship these days. And who has time for that right?

giphyI’m a fighter for stuff I care for- a lil too caring-. If I consider you my friend, I’ll go to hell and back for you. Friendship is something I consider special and sacred. If I see a friendship dying or nasty energy around it, I try to do everything I can to save it, or end on a good note – I need that closure, but trust I can move on without it-

I’m sure right about now-if not already- you’re asking yourself “does this chick have any friends?” Why yes, yes I do!

boom tamarThe group – if your around my age it’s probably a very small group- of girls I’m lucky enough to call my friends I’m so appreciative of! I don’t have to talk to them everyday-in some cases years go by- but we can pick up right where we left off. I’m the Godmother to their children, I’m the auntie they are unaware they have-most of them are too young to realize what an aunt is lol-
I say all of this to say, it’s no easy feat to find those true friends, but it’s so worth it. And if you’re someone who found those friends without having to go thru the bad ones consider yourself BLESSED!

Comment below your “friend” story. id love to hear ’em!