I’ve been feeling full. Not in the “I just ate a great meal and I’m about to float off into the itis” full- which I would have gratefully preferred-. My soul has been full of negative energy. I couldn’t figure out what I could’ve done or opened myself up to, to suck in all of this negative energy.
Ok that’s a lie, I have been working on opening myself up to be vulnerable and alive. What I didn’t realize was I was also opening myself up to negativity.
Our environment can greatly affect us, in the best and worse ways, which left me to look at only one source: work. I work all the time-I may have taken Kevin Gates lyrics way too serious– but one job was becoming so toxic I was letting it affect other areas of my life.
I didn’t even realize I was picking up the energy and carrying it with me, but I’m sure my subconscious realized something was off. I randomly began to say while at work, “I refuse to talk about this, I don’t need that negative energy in my life.” and I would close my eyes and take a quick inhale and long exhale.
I noticed I was saying it all the time to the point where I was very aware every time I said it. Not only that, but I began to slowly and firmly put my foot down and stand on what I was saying and not letting anyone sway me on my decision and then there was the obvious; I just blatantly stopped giving a fuck.
The more it happened, I began to feel clearer and the clearer I became the more apparent it was to me that it was time for a job change or to make a change in the job. The job was dulling my creativity.
I put my creativity above everything. My creativity is who I am. I have to be able to express myself in whatever medium that may be, I know that I am not Veronica or LilSis without my creativity, without the ability to unapologetically express myself. To leave it all on the table and be proud of what I just did. And this job indeed was not providing me that comfortability because I was so consumed with the toxic part all I was pouring out was the negativity and a horrible attitude it was pouring into me. Instead of being empty and allowing the universe and ideas flow to and through me, I was eating everything negative and projecting out attitude and disdain.
Now, with that being said I know what you all are wondering, did you quit the job? As much as I would love to say yes! I laid it all out on the table, let them have it and chucked the deuces!!! I like my bills to be paid on time and a roof over my head. So if there was no way around it, I had to learn to work through it. Rather than allowing myself to become extremely upset and carry what ever happened at work with me, I chose to look at it through different lenses, a comical one if you will. this was a job, not my career, not my passion, not my main focus, just a means to pay my bills so that I could focus on my passion and purpose- cause lets be honest its all just work until my passion and purpose step in and make me millions–
The key is to be choosy on what you allow yourself to be open to and how you react to it.
Not every cause deserves a reaction. That is something I learned in anger management. –see therapy does help!– Sometimes the best response is no response at all. It takes a certain level of maturity to reach this, however. Once I figured out how to control my reactions to the situation and not focus so much energy on it, I began to feel a little better. I had to tell myself this job is not the important thing here, my acting is, my blogging is, the things that I am passionate about, the things that feed my soul that’s what’s most important. I had to learn to stop caring about the things that didn’t feed me or only took away from me because they were turning me into a bitter mean person.
I did, however, purge. In order to replace the negative energy with positive energy I had to empty all the negative out. I sat and wrote a very detailed email to my leadership and sent it with a prayer that hopefully –faithfully– everything would get better and if not for me at least for the next employee that takes the job. -and let me tell you guys it was an instant change in energy! 5 mins before the email I was ready to leave the job and hustle to find better, but once that email was sent it was like a weight lifted off of me and my soul was no longer anchored! I immediately felt the positive energy radiate through me!
What are some things you focus on that do not serve a purpose in your life? What are some things that take up way too much space in your soul that you can purge? Leave them in the comments below! Lets Talk About It!
Until next time