As many of you may have notice there was no video to follow the blog for last week. For that I apologize. I absolutely LOVE making the videos and giving a voice to my blog. However, for the past couple of weeks I had to take a break and for this week’s blog I wanted to shed some light on something that I have been privately dealing with for a few years now. Let me give you a back story.
—————-Disclaimer: males, this is about to get real personal Achem——————-
About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with something called PMDD or Pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder. The best way to describe it is having the usual pms symptoms x10.
At the age of 18 I was recommended –like all sexually active adults- to take birth control. I hated taking pills so I opted for the Depo shot. While the first shot was pretty breezy, the second shot proved to be the complete opposite.- if you’ve never been on Depo you get a shot once every 3 months – My periods began to be very irregular, and very unpredictable. I gained about 40lbs. By the third shot, I decided to get off the shot the symptoms were too much for me and I was giving Vickie Secrets too much of my money!!!
I completely got off the shot and things only got worse. My body didn’t feel like mine anymore, I even sweated differently. About 2 years later, I began to develop cyst on my ovaries- which runs in my family, so we couldn’t be certain if the shot or just my genetics caused this– and my doctor put me back on birth control to help stop the formation of the cyst- because let’s be honest cyst pain is the worst! I wouldn’t wish that on my enemy– I started on the birth control pill Loestrin – which my doctor said had the lowest dose of hormones in it– about 2 months into taking it I began to experience extreme mood swings, crying spells- yes I would burst into tears for no reason at all– panic attacks, depression/anxiety and extreme pelvic pain- non cyst related. That’s when I got my diagnosis and my doctor then put me on Celexa. I immediately felt relief with the first pill, followed by excessive yawning, muscle spasms and sleep walking. My doctor decided to switch my meds, but I had had enough. I decided to wean myself off and find a better healthier route to dealing with it.
It’s been 2 years since I got off the birth control and Celexa. I still have PMDD and it rears its head every now and then. I usually experience it 2 weeks before my cycle and 2 days after my cycle. I began to watch what I ate, tried to drink plenty of water- work in progress, Jesus make it taste like wine-took up yoga and light exercising. This helps with the cyst pain and the PMDD. If I’m feeling really bad, and I can tell I’m about to have a flare, I try to cry it out before it rears its head- take a hot bath, cry it out, comfy pjs and a classic rom com/drama and cry it out some more with a glass bottle of wine.
I’ve felt more like myself now than I ever have since I began taking the birth control. When my PMDD does show up, however, it’s extreme. It usually last just a day but, is better with rest. I wake up in a funk –literally the devil reincarnate- and I usually stay to myself, which comes off to others as having an attitude, and I may have a crying spell or two.
I let one of managers know because it was affecting my work. I’m not sure if she was forgetful or just insensitive to it, but she began to make fun of me, call me bipolar or crazy, and tell me I needed to suck it up or get laid. I decided then I would never tell anyone else. I’ve kept this private because I was ashamed of it. I didn’t know anybody who was dealing with it. I didn’t want anybody to know that I suffer from something my own body causes me. And I definitely didn’t want to be labeled as crazy.
But, it’s ok to be dealing with it. I know people who have gone through depression and didn’t make it out. I know their suffering seems redundant over time, but it’s real to them. If you care about that person no matter how redundant it seems, just be there. I’m thankful I have a mother who will hold the phone and listen to me just cry if I need to. – I mean you the real MVP– never dismiss someone because their pain doesn’t seem real to you. Try to help and if you cant find them help!